Game of Thrones Rewatch: the "Short" Version (Part 3)

Here’s the final two seasons of my Game of Thrones rewatch.  A reminder of the rules of my rewatch commentary:

• THERE ARE METRIC SHIT-TONS OF SPOILERS HERE. One wouldn’t think I would have to point this out, as it’s a rewatch, but people will complain.  If you haven’t already watched all the seasons of GoT up till the last one, DON’T READ THIS. Perhaps you can come back when you’re all caught up.  (To be crystal clear: just because the comment is in season 3 doesn’t mean that it won’t contain spoilers for season 4 ... or season 7.  Obviously there are no spoilers for season 8 yet.)
• (Speaking of “shit-tons” ...)  I curse.  Anyone who’s read any of my other blog posts will already know this, but perhaps you got here via some link or other and don’t know what you’re in for.  Although the previous bullet point should have been a giveaway.
• My opnions are just that: opinions.  I present them here in case you find them interesting, but I’m not trying to convince you to believe as I do.  I ask that you show me the same courtesy should you choose to leave a comment—that is, feel free to share your own opinions, but don’t try to tell me I’m “wrong.”
• Likewise, whatever moments I found worthy of comment are also my opinions.  If I left out one of your favorites, sorry about that.  Feel free to remind me of it in the blog post comments.
• My comments are always super-quick.  If I want to expand on a particular thing, I do it as a pseudo-footnote.  In this case, “pseudo-footnote” means “formatted almost exactly like a footnote, but way more obvious.” These “footnotes” are designed to be less ignorable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t ignore them if you want to.  They’re just topics I wanted to explore a bit further.  Sometimes only a sentence or two more, sometimes whole paragraphs.  Read ’em or not: your call.
• There’s not a comment on every episode.  Especially in the early episodes: sometimes there’s just nothing that jumped out at me that hour.
• I am watching the “Inside the Episode” shorts after the shows, for every show.  Occasionally that will inform my commentary (but usually not).
• Once I’m done with the rewatch, I may keep some commentary on the final season.  Or I may not; no promises.

Season 6

• Episode 1: Well, I guess after you’ve jumped off a 50-foot castle wall, walking through a frozen river and wandering around in a blizzard is nothing.
• Aaaand there goes Doran.  And Trystane.
• Aaaand there goes Melisandre’s glamour.
• Episode 2: Finally! the return of Bran.  I mean, it’s only been 12 episodes ...
• I just caught this one too: what Ned says to Benjen in Bran’s flashback is the exact same line Jon says to Olly when he’s training him.^[S5E1]
• I’ll give Tyrion this: he’s got big balls.  Huge, even.
• “Next time I have an idea like that, punch me in the face.” —Tyrion
• Aaaand there goes Roose.  Good riddance to him too.
• And his wife.  And his newborn son.  That part was sad at least.
• Aaaand there goes Balon.  No tears for that one either.
• “I’m not a devout man ... obviously.” —Davos
• Aaaand here comes Jon!  He’s back! [1]
• Episode 3: “Hold off on burning my body for now.” —Jon
• Aaaand there goes Ser Alliser.  And Olly.
• Episode 4: Aaaand there goes Osha.  Totally pointless death. [2]
• Aaaand there goes all the remaining Khals. [3]
• Episode 5: “You freed me from the monsters that murdered my family.  And you gave me to other monsters that murdered my family.” —Sansa (A well-deserved slap in the face for Littlefinger.)
• “Where are my neice and nephew?  Let’s go murder them.” —Euron
• Tormund’s keen interest in Brienne is another thing I’d forgotten.  It’s quite cute.
• Another White Walker goes down to dragonglass.  I guess Meera made some spearheads out of what Sam gave her ... ?^[S3E10]
• Aaaand there goes the remaining Children of the Forest.  And Bran’s wolf.
• And Hodor, of course.  I think his death may be more affecting than even Shireen’s, somehow. [4]
• Episode 6: Finally: the return of Benjen. [5]
• Wow ... Sam’s dad is a real dick.  And, in this show, that’s saying something.
• It takes a massive amount of work to make Joffrey look like the tragic hero.
• And even more to make Cersei look sympathetic.
• I think Tommen thinks he’s growing a pair (finally).  I’m not sure I agree.
• Episode 7: “And you’ve got one hand.  My money’s on the old boy.” —Bronn
• I fucking love Lady Mormont! [6]
• “Fuck justice, then: we’ll get revenge.  Drink.” —Yara
• Aaaand there goes guy-we-just-met.  Don’t worry: by this point, we knew perfectly well not to get too attached.
• Episode 8: “I choose violence.” —Cersei
• I really try not to blame Tommen too much, but this is clearly a case of foolishly underestimating his mother.  He knows perfectly well what she’s capable of.
• Aaaand there goes the Blackfish.  Pisses me off that he wouldn’t go with Brienne.  He was a very cool character who got shafted out of his deserved amount of screentime.
• Aaaand there goes Lady Crane.  Not a huge surprise, but a bit of a bummer.
• Aaaand there goes “the Waif” (that’s how she’s credited).  A.K.A. Arya’s arch-nemesis.  Oh, and: Arya kill #8.
• “A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell.  And I’m going home.” —Arya (Bam!)
• Episode 9: “Tell your people what happened here.  Tell them you live by the grace of Her Majesty.  When they come forward with notions of retribution or ideas about returning the slave cities to their former glory, remind them what happened when Daenerys Stormborn and her dragons came to Meereen.” —Tyrion [7]
• “No one can protect me.  No one can protect anyone.” —Sansa
• “I never demand, but I’m up for anything, really.” —Yara (I love how Yara is like: sure, I’ll marry you, if that’s what it takes.)
• Aaaand there goes Rickon.  This too was inevitable, from the moment he was delivered to Ramsay.  (As Sansa predicted mere moments ago, actually ...)
• Don’t do what he wants you to do, Jon!
• Idiot. [8]
• Aaaand there goes the last giant on the planet.  That’s quite sad.
• Hey, don’t stop beating the shit out of Ramsay on Sansa’a account! [9]
• Aaaand there goes Ramsay.  That’s quite joyous.
• Episode 10: The whole “trial” business is hard to watch knowing how pointless the whole thing is going to end up being.
• Aaaand there goes Pycelle.  Finally.
• Aaaand there goes Margaery.  And Loras, and Lancel, and Mace, and Kevan.  Oh, and the High Sparrow, of course.  But mainly Margaery. [10]
• Aaaand there goes Tommen.  Inevitable, that.
• Very satisfying for Davos.
• What? Winter’s not coming any more??
• Aaaand there goes Walder.  Arya kills #9, #10, and #11. [11]
• Baby Jon: dragonwolf.  Or wolfdragon.  Or ... something. [12]
• God damn I love Lady Mormont!
• A particularly bloody episode, even not counting the death of Lyanna, who is both not quite an important enough character to count and also has actually been dead for like 20 years so really shouldn’t count anyway. [13]

Season 7

• Episode 1: You know, if I’d remembered this opening scene, I wouldn’t have bothered counting Arya kills up until this point. [14]
• I love how there’s no significant difference in either color or consistency between the bedpan contents and what passes for food in the Citadel.
• “No need to sieze the last word, Lord Baelish.  I’ll assume it was something clever.” —Sansa [15]
• “It’s my fucking luck I end up with a band of fire worshippers.” —the Hound
• 61 episodes to reach this point: Dany sets foot on Westeros.
• Episode 2: “Are you a sheep?  No.  You’re a dragon.  Be a dragon.” —Olenna
• There have been several times in this show that I have been pissed off at the writers.  But this is the worst of them. [16]
• Aaaand there goes Sand Snake #1.  And Sand Snake #2.
• Episode 3: Here’s another line I’d completely forgotten: “I have to die in this strange country.  Just like you.” (That’s Melisandre, to Varys.)
• Aaaand there goes Sand Snake #3.
• “I can never be Lord of Winterfell.  I can never be lord of anything; I’m the three-eyed raven.” —Bran
• Aaaand there goes Olenna.  Fare thee well, Queen of Thorns. [17]
• Episode 4: “You died in that cave ...” —Meera [18]
• And now Arya has Valyrian steel as well.  That’s her, Jon, Jaime, Brienne, and Sam. [19]
• Bronn vs Daenerys.  No clear winner, surprisingly. [20]
• Episode 5: Yeah, Jaime! May as well just jump back in the river!
• Aaaand there goes Sam’s dad, and his brother.  No great loss, and some small loss.  (But pretty small.)
• Is there going to be any discussion of the fact that Dany just fried all the remaining male family members of the guy who is the best friend of the guy standing beside her and who cured the man kneeling in front of her? [21]
• Yay! Gendry’s back.
• “Yep, nobody mind me.  All I’ve ever done is live to a ripe old age.” —Davos
• Gilly just gave Sam a crucial piece of history there and he never even noticed ... [22]
• “I’m tired of reading about the achievements of better men.” —Sam
• Hey, look: everybody hates everybody! [23]
• Episode 6: “Your lips are moving, and you’re complaining about something.  That’s whinging.  This one’s been killed six times; you don’t hear him bitching about it.” —the Hound
• Watching this scene between Sansa and Arya ... how much of that anger is just for show?
• Third White Walker killed.  That should leave just 3 more ... but we see 5 a bit later. [24]
• Aaaand there goes Thoros.
• Aaaand there goes ... one of the only three dragons on the planet!!
• Aaaand there goes Benjen. [25]
• Another scene between Sansa and Arya that doesn’t feel like an actual conversation between real people, given what we know is coming.  Feels more like a cheesy plot device.
• Oh, wait ... dragon’s back.  Shiver.
• Episode 7: Talk about your uncomfortable meetings ... [26]
• Qyburn is like the only person on the planet who sees a dead man running at him at full speed and goes “Cool!”
• I love Tyrion’s sigh of relif when Cersei decides not to kill him: he didn’t really know if it was going to work or not. [27]
• “I respect what you did.  Wish you hadn’t done it, but I respect it.” —Dany
• It is very uncharacteristic of Littlefinger to underestimate people, but he’s vastly underestimating the Starks here.
• I can’t believe that the writers are trying to covince us that having been castrated is actually an advantage for Theon here ...
• Aaaand there goes Littlefinger.  Arya kill #12 + F.
• And Jaime calls Cersei’s bluff!  How far he’s come ...
• Incest: consummated. [28]
• Aaaand there goes the Wall.  Double shiver. [29]

[1] I would just like to say that I called this, even the first time through, even without getting anywhere near this far in the books.  (In fact, I really don’t know if this even happens in the books or not.)  I just extrapolated from knowing that, while George R. R. Martin may piss me off at times, he’s still a competent writer.  Thoros of Myr exists for exactly one reason: to bring Beric Dondarrion back from the dead.  And bringing Beric back from the dead only happens for one reason: to let us know that this is possible, so that when we see a high cleric of the same faith in the same place as someone who is well and truly dead that we know is important to the story, we’ll understand that there’s some possibility that things can be reversed.

Interesting to note that the showrunners seem to be trying to get some extra use of Beric by bringing him back late in S6.  I would actually be somewhat surprised if GRRM does the same in the books.  I feel that, as far as he’s concerned, Beric has now fulfilled his duty and can just fade into obscurity.

[2] I don’t mind a senseless death ... well, I mind it, obviously.  But at least I understand it.  A senseless death still has a point to it (otherwise it would be a pointless death).  Take the death of Shireen, for example.  Senseless and tragic, yes, but not pointless.  It signals the downfall of Stannis, and that’s important for the story.  But the death of Osha is entirely pointless, and that I object to.  What was even the point of bringing her character back for that tiny bit of screen time and then poof! she’s dead?  May as well have killed her offscreen.

[3] This is the third great “fuck yeah!” moment for Dany (of four—so far), and the only one that doesn’t involve dragons.  In that respect, it’s probably my favorite.  This is the moment that Dany proves she can kick ass all on her own.  Dragons?  We don’t need no steenking dragons!

[4] It’s not as tragic, and definitely not senseless.  But the circularity of it all, and realzing how many years he’s been locked into waiting for this exact moment ... it’s certainly one of the most effective moments of the series.

[5] I always said there were 3 characters that had disappeared that I refused to believe were gone forever: Benjen, Nymeria (Arya’s wolf), and Syrio Forel.  I think I may end up being wrong about Syrio, and I was extremely disappointed in the “return” of Nymeria.  But the return of Benjen, at least, was totally worth it.

[6] If you can’t get enough Bella Ramsey from her appearances in Game of Thrones (and who could?), check her out in The Worst Witch on Netflix.  My littlest one and I love that show too.

[7] This of course is the fourth and final (so far) great “fuck yeah!” Dany moment.  It’s not just the dragons which are awesome (although of course they fucking well are), but Grey Worm and Tyrion are both pretty awesome too ... even Missandei gets a bit of a chin lift.  Also, that annoying shit from way back in S3 gets slaughtered, so that’s always a bonus.

[8] At least you can see in his eyes that he knows he fucked up.  Right before shit gets really insane.

[9] During the “Inside the Episode” for this one, the showrunners suggest that Jon stops because he realizes upon seeing Sansa that Ramsay is not his to kill.  I have to say, however, that Kit Harrington’s performance didn’t convey that to me.  What I got was more being embarrassed about knowing his sister sees him reduced to that state of mindless bestiality.  But I suppose I must have misread it.  Or maybe Kit was going for a mix of both, and I only caught the one.

[10] This is probably the largest named-character body count in a single event for the entire series.  Quite a few of those are not a big deal: Mace and Kevan are hardly going to be missed, and the High Sparrow is certainly no great loss.  But Loras is a slight bummer, and Margaery is a huge loss.  Much of the remaining tragedy to come is, in my opinion, a direct result of this “triumph” of Cersei over Margaery.

[11] The advantage of the rewatch is that I actually worked out that Arya is recreating the story of the Rat Cook, which Old Nan told to the Stark children, and which Bran relates to Meera and Jojen while they’re at the Nightfort [S3E10].  At the time, it just seems like a bit of Westeros flavor: their version of a ghost story, which sets the mood nicely for everyone being extremely spooked when they hear Sam and Gilly coming up the ladder.  But now I can see it was to prepare us for a fuller appreciation of the (ultra-well-deserved) fate of Walder Frey.  “It wasn’t for murder the gods cursed the Rat Cook, or for serving the king’s son in a pie.  He killed a guest beneath his roof.  That’s something the gods can’t forgive.”

Fun fact: the showrunners want us to believe this is a worrisome development for Arya’s character.  Fuck that.  I’m not worried that Arya can smile as she slits a man’s throat and watch him bleed out, ’cause I’m smiling right along with her.  Go Team Arya!

[12] You know the implications of this are staggering.  The obvious ones are the ones that get repeated the most often: Dany is Jon’s aunt, which certainly means a bit of incest ... but then again Targaryens commonly wed sisters to brothers (as Cersei is constantly reminding us, and as did our own ancient Egyptians, for that matter), so what’s a little aunt-nephew wedding among royalty?  But let’s dive a bit deeper.  If one considers the Targaryens the rightful rulers of Westeros—and of course we could easily dispute that, noting that they just came along a few centuries ago with their dragons and ate all the really properly rightful rulers—but, assuming we grant that, that means that Aerys, mad or not, was the rightful king, and therefore his eldest son would inherit the throne, which is Rhaegar, who has exactly one (surviving) son, who is Jon.  Therefore, friggin’ Jon is the goddamn rightful king of Westeros ... he has a stronger claim on the throne than Dany does, really, even throwing the question of gender out the window.  And, because he is actually older than any of Ned’s children, he has exactly the same amount of claim to King in the North as Dany does to the Iron Throne—that is, he’s the oldest surviving Stark, and he’s not, in fact, a bastard.

[13] Since the body count from just the explosion at the Sept of Baelor equalled our previous record for an entire episode, this episode easily surpasses that and becomes the new standard to beat: 9 named character deaths, all told.

[14] As Arya is technically responsible for the death of every living Frey (or at least all the male ones), and as Walder was notoriously prolific, I don’t know that we can really assign a number to how many kills she has at this point.  Let’s call the number of post-Walder Freys killed “F,” just for purposes of further counting.

Another interesting point: at the Red Wedding, Walder Frey somewhat ironically plays “The Rains of Castamere.” If you didn’t catch the story behind this song (which Cersei tells to Margaery just before the Red Wedding [S3E8]), it’s this: House Reyne rebelled against Tywin Lannister, who not only defeated them, but slaughtered them all—men, women, and children.  The Reynes of Castamere no longer exist in Westeros.  And, now, no longer do the Freys.  Poetic justice don’t begin to cover it.

[15] This may be my favorite line of Sansa’s.  Granted, that’s not saying much, but still: this is one of the few moments where I actually kinda like her.  Not too many people get to say they had the upper hand in a conversational gambit with Littlefinger ... not even Varys, really.

[16] What I’m talking about here is the “return” of Nymeria, Arya’s wolf.  Been looking forward to it for 61 episodes and this is what I get?  Bullshit.  Too cheap to pay for the CGI, I suppose.

[17] Note that, even in death, Olenna gets her last digs in.  Whereas Cersei is scary in a disturbing, psychotic way, Olenna is disturbing in a way that makes you kinda smile for her.

[18] Meera leaves Bran.  Another thing I hadn’t remembered.

[19] The Game of Thrones wiki says there’s also one in the Vale—specifically, the guy in Littlefinger’s trial who isn’t Lord Royce and isn’t a woman.  Since he was only on-screen for like 20 seconds, I’m not sure if that’s really going to be the case in the show; apparently, it is the case in the books, so the wiki is just extrapolating.

[20] I didn’t include this as one of Dany’s four great “fuck yeah!” moments.  Perhaps I should have, but I felt this was more of a sprawling battle than a personal triumph for Dany.  Drogon’s performance is certainly impressive, and there is a certain sense of personal accomplishment for Dany, because this is the point where she stops listening to everyone else and fights the way she wants to fight.  And that’s good.  But of course there’s a certain amount of sense in what Tyrion (and Varys?) is telling her, and so she actually is playing into Cersei’s hands just a bit by delivering on those “foreign boogymen are coming to get you” tales that Cersei was spouting.  I dunno; I still could be wrong, of course, and it is a great scene, but I still think the previous four sum it up for me.  To recap:

1. Burning that dick in Astapor and freeing Missandei and Grey Worm and the rest of the Unsullied.
2. Burning all those dick Sons of the Harpy at the fighting pit in Meereen.
3. Burning all the dick khals in Vaes Dothrak.
4. Burning all the ships beseiging Meereen and then having Grey Worm just slice up some Good Ol’ Wise Ol’ Masters.  Who were both total dicks.

Interesting that, while they don’t all involve dragons, they do all involve fire.  “Fire and Blood,” indeed.

[21] Nope.

[22] In case you too missed it, she just read him story of the annulment of Rhaegar Targaryen’s marriage to Elia Martell.

[23] I found this quite amusing.  Jon hates the Hound because he served the Lannisters, who murdered quite a chunk of his family.  Gendry hates Beric and Thoros, who sold him to Melisandre.  Tormund hates Jorah, whose father murdered a metric shit-ton of his kinsmen.  Meanwhile, Jorah’s not fond of Thoros, who is a reminder of his time before (remember: Thoros fought in the same tournament that Jorah won, thus attracting his ill-fated wife, whose golddigging is what led him to sell people into slavery, which is why Ned Stark banished him and his father disowned him); the Hound’s not fond of Beric or Thoros (remember: fire worshippers, plus Beric did try to kill him that once); Jorah’s not fond of Tormund (remember: Northman, wildling) ... it’s just a fantastic stew of distrust and buried enmity, which Jon finally puts an end to by pointing out that they’re all on the same side because they’re all breathing.  It’s a great scene.

[24] There are several points where you can count the White Walkers, but it never seems to make much difference.  There’s always more of them in the next shot.  I thought I knew how many there were after the attack on the cave of the Three-Eyed Raven, but now there’s more.  Maybe they’re constantly minting new ones.

[25] This is another scene I’d totally forgotten.  It’s a pretty good death scene.

[26] Lots of fun banter here: Brienne and the Hound, Tyrion and Bronn, the Hound and the Mountain.  Also plenty of just plain dirty looks: Theon and Euron, Cersei and Tyrion.

[27] Another question that occurs: is Cersei actually pregnant?  Obviously she wanted Jaime to know, because she told him outright.  In this scene, Tyrion “figures it out” ... but does he really?  Cersei is sneaky, and subtle, and I’m not sure I"m buying that she doesn’t realize that’s she’s “accidentally” giving away this secret.  She touches her belly, she goes on and on about saving loved ones and all that: I say she knows damned well what message she’s putting out there.  Because Jaime thinks she’s pregnant, he’s willing to do what she wants; because Tyrion thinks she’s pregnant, he’s willing to believe that she’ll make sane choices.  What if the whole thing is a way for Cersei to manipulate her brothers?

[28] I can’t quite figure out if we’re supposed to feel icky about this.  ‘Cause I don’t, really.  Compared to the Cersei-Jaime thing, this is very low on the incest scale.  And they have zero familial connection—just a genealogical one.  A sexual relationship with someone with whom you grew up but had absolutely no blood relation to would feel more incestuous than this.  But maybe I’m supposed to feel disgusted ... maybe the writers are going to have Jon and Dany feel disgusted when they learn about it.  But I would be disappointed by that, somehow.

[29] Technically, Tormund and/or Beric could be dead as of this scene.  But I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Birthdays are done for a while

Another March birthday season is in the books.  The little empress didn’t demand too much: take-out from Panda Express, and eat-in at Chez McDonald’s, avec Play Place.  I was required to cook my world famous potato soup,^* and also to take out a second mortgage to be able to afford heating the pool for the first real swimming of the year.  Happily, we live in Southern California, so the water temp as of the last weekend in March was only 61 ... a mere 20° lift.  I’m sure it was only a several hundred dollar windfall for SoCalGas.  But, hey: when your baby girl says “heat the pool” ... whatchagonnado?

There was also a strawberry cake with strawberry icing and a metric shit-ton of sprinkles—which was way too sweet for me—and birthday donuts, and way too much Barbie spewage.  But she had a lovely weekend, and that’s all that really matters.

As with last year, there was a little bit of “birthday weekend hangover”: at 7 years old, it’s tough to have that amount of power for 2½ days and then lose it all just ’cause you went to bed and woke up again.  But she’s worked through it this past week and I’m pretty sure she’s back to Norman now.  Next year, we do it all again.

__________

* To be fair, it is only world famous because this blog post is visible worldwide, and I just talked about it here.

Game of Thrones Rewatch: the "Short" Version (Part 2)

Here’s the next two seasons of my Game of Thrones rewatch.  A reminder of the rules of my rewatch commentary:

• THERE ARE METRIC SHIT-TONS OF SPOILERS HERE. One wouldn’t think I would have to point this out, as it’s a rewatch, but people will complain.  If you haven’t already watched all the seasons of GoT up till the last one, DON’T READ THIS. Perhaps you can come back when you’re all caught up.  (To be crystal clear: just because the comment is in season 3 doesn’t mean that it won’t contain spoilers for season 4 ... or season 7.  Obviously there are no spoilers for season 8 yet.)
• (Speaking of “shit-tons” ...)  I curse.  Anyone who’s read any of my other blog posts will already know this, but perhaps you got here via some link or other and don’t know what you’re in for.  Although the previous bullet point should have been a giveaway.
• My opnions are just that: opinions.  I present them here in case you find them interesting, but I’m not trying to convince you to believe as I do.  I ask that you show me the same courtesy should you choose to leave a comment—that is, feel free to share your own opinions, but don’t try to tell me I’m “wrong.”
• Likewise, whatever moments I found worthy of comment are also my opinions.  If I left out one of your favorites, sorry about that.  Feel free to remind me of it in the blog post comments.
• My comments are always super-quick.  If I want to expand on a particular thing, I do it as a pseudo-footnote.  In this case, “pseudo-footnote” means “formatted almost exactly like a footnote, but way more obvious.” These “footnotes” are designed to be less ignorable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t ignore them if you want to.  They’re just topics I wanted to explore a bit further.  Sometimes only a sentence or two more, sometimes whole paragraphs.  Read ’em or not: your call.
• There’s not a comment on every episode.  Especially in the early episodes: sometimes there’s just nothing that jumped out at me that hour.
• I am watching the “Inside the Episode” shorts after the shows, for every show.  Occasionally that will inform my commentary (but usually not).
• Once I’m done with the rewatch, I may keep some commentary on the final season.  Or I may not; no promises.

Season 4

• Episode 1: Arya kill #3, and #4.  (And, with that, the return of Needle!)
• Episode 2: This “Lord of Light” is a pretty sadistic god ... and, in this world, that’s really saying something.
• “War is war, but killing a man at a wedding ... horrid.  What sort of monster would do such a thing?” —Olenna (Oh, the irony ...) [1]
• Aaaand there goes Joffrey.  I have never been so happy to see a character die. [2]
• Episode 3: And, just like that, Tywin deftly (and literally) takes Tommen away from Cersei.
• “Your father lacks an appreciation of the finer points of bad behavior.” —Davos (What an apt description of Stannis this is ...)
• Episode 4: Oh, yeah ... Jamie gives Brienne his sword.  She can use that Valyrian steel where she’s going to end up.
• Episode 5: Littlefinger, you dog! [3]
• Aaaand there goes Locke.  Once again, no great loss.
• Episode 6: Why do I feel like Tywin set up this entire faux trial just so he could manipulate Jaime into doing what he wanted?
• Episode 7: “Nothing isn’t better or worse than anything.  Nothing is just nothing.” —Arya
• Arya kill #5.
• Aaaand there goes Lyssa.
• Episode 8: Damn ... I think Grey Worm just told Missandei that it was worth being castrated in order to meet her.  Kinda romantic, in a weird way.
• Sansa continues to make horrible decisions.
• Dany, on the other hand, doesn’t make very many bad decisions.  But I think this is one. [4]
• The look on the Hound’s face, and Arya cackling like a madwoman ... another of my favorite moments.
• “Today is not the day I die.” —Oberyn
• Aaaand there goes Oberyn.
• Episode 9: I do believe Sam Tarly is the only person in this whole stupid show to promise someone he won’t die and then keep that promise.
• Aaaand there goes Pyp.  And Grenn.  And Ygritte, with one final “you know nothing, Jon Snow ...”
• “You’re right.  It’s a bad plan.  What’s your plan?” —Jon
• Episode 10: Aaaand there goes Jojen.
• The Hound vs Brienne: one of the best swordfights in the whole show.
• Aaaand there goes Shae.  I’ve decided I completely don’t understand her motivations.  At all. [5]
• Aaaand there goes Tywin.  Never been more happy to see someone die since Joffrey.

Season 5

• Episode 1: This whole thing with putting rocks on corpses’ eyes with eyeballs drawn on them is so disturbing.
• “Who said anything about ‘him’?” —Varys
• Aaaand there goes the King Beyond the Wall.
• Episode 2: Sansa makes a terrible choice yet again.  Good thing this is only like the fifth time, otherwise I’d worry there was some sort of pattern here. [6]
• I think Shireen is going to teach everyone in Westeros to read.
• Episode 3: This scene between Margaery and Cersei feels like watching someone poke a grizzly bear ...
• Aaaand there goes “I commanded the City Watch in King’s Landing!” Enh, I was getting tired of listening to him whinge on about it anyway.
• Making a deal with a crazy religious fanatic is not quite making a deal with the devil, but I still feel like this is a rare misstep for Cersei.
• “I’ll never hurt her.  You have my word.” —Ramsay (Hah!)
• Episode 4: And this scene feels like Cersei is setting loose a maneating tiger and hoping that only the people she doesn’t like will get eaten.
• Ohhh ... hello!  One last “you know nothing, Jon Snow” ... from Melisandre! [7]
• This exchange between Stannis and Shireen is heart-wrenching when viewed with the foreknowledge of the betrayal to come.
• Aaaand there goes Ser Barristan.
• Episode 5: Yet another “I promise” that will never happen ... [8]
• Most ... shocking ... marriage proposal ... ever.
• Episode 6: Arya kill #6 (sort of).
• “We both peddle fantasies, Brother Lancel.  Mine just happen to be entertaining.” —Littlefinger
• Tommen, you idiot!  That’s twice now you should have just had your big, strong knights slice up these angry little sparrows.  You’ve got a date with a window and you’re just rushing headlong towards it ...
• Episode 7: Aaaand there goes Maester Aemon.
• Not entirely sure why the Sand Snake decides to save Bronn, but I’m glad she does.
• Tyrion finally hooks up with Dany ... this is the first moment through the entire series where I felt like we might be heading towards a conclusion of some sort.
• Cersei is often despicable, but this is probably the first moment when I felt she was being idiotic. [10]
• Episode 8: “I’m not going to stop the wheel.  I’m going to break the wheel.” —Daenerys
• Somehow I feel like Sam’s words to Olly are not being interpreted in the way he’d hoped ...
• “I"m right behind you, I promise.” Yep, never heard that one before ...
• Aaaand there goes the first White Walker to die from Valyrian steel in a thousand years.  But definitely not the last.
• Aaaand there goes about half the remaining Free Folk in the world.
• Episode 9: Aaaand there goes Shireen.  In a parade of tragic, senseless deaths, I think this may be the most tragic and senseless one of all.
• Aaaand there goes what’s-his-name that Dany made marry her.  No great loss. [11]
• Do.  Not.  Fuck.  With Drogon. [12]
• Episode 10: Aaaand there goes Shireen’s mother.  Good riddance. [13]
• You know, for all Melisandre’s later complaining about being wrong, she’s not wrong about the Boltons being defeated ... she’s just wrong that it’s going to be Stannis doing it. [14]
• It’s just occurred to me that this is the second time Stannis disappointed Sansa.  Without ever meeting her.
• Aaaand there goes Stannis.  Not particularly happy to see him gone ... but not really sad about it either.
• Aaaand there goes Ramsay’s psycho girlfriend.  Extra no great loss there.
• I STILL SAY YOU CANNOT JUMP OFF A 50-FOOT CASTLE WALL AND LIVE!!!  And I don’t care how deep the snow supposedly was. [15]
• Aaaand there goes Ser Meryn Trant.  Arya kill #7. [16]
• Aaaand there goes Arya’s eyesight.
• Aaaand there goes Myrcella.  Weirdly, not that sad to see her go, but it’s quite sad for Jaime.
• These crazy sparrows don’t know who they’re messing with ...
• Aaaand there goes Jon. [17]
• Vicious body count this episode, if we’re looking at named, human characters.  Six: that’s the most so far for a single episode.

[1] I actually saw her palm the jewel off Sansa’s necklace this time around.  I’d never caught that before.

[2] If you watch the special features after the episode, the show runners seem to believe that, despite how terrible Joffrey and Cersei are, that we’re going to feel sorry for them in this death scene.  One of them says: “They bring out the underlying humanity in these characters, that I think in the hands of lesser actors could so easily turn into just evil stereotypes, and could make Joffrey’s death a purely triumphal moment for the audience, and I really don’t think it is ...” Well, bad news guys: you have woefully underestimated how much these actors have made us positively hate their characters.  The first time we watched it in my house, we actually cheered.  Then, when it was properly over, we rewound and watched it again.  It really was one of the top moments I was looking forward to in the rewatch.

[3] This is the moment when we finally realize the depth of Littlefinger’s schemes.  On first watch, this was pretty shocking.  That Lyssa was crazy was obviously never in doubt.  That she was evil was still a bit unexpected.  But it’s her interaction with Sansa that shows just how deep it runs—and also that Lyssa is perfectly capable of being crazy and evil all at once.

[4] When she does make bad decisions, they tend to be rash ones more than anything else.  She’s a very passionate person, and sometimes she doesn’t think things through.  Her decision to crucify a random sampling of the masters of Mereen, for instance: that one is particularly egregious, because Barristan out-and-out tells her she’ll regret it ... and she does, eventually.

This is her next-to-last bad decision.  There’s really only one more to come: the chaining up of the dragons.  That one is more considered, although still the wrong call in the end.  This one, though—sending Jorah away—I feel like is made in the heat of passion, fresh from the raw pain of the betrayal, and perhaps she would have reconsidered it if she’d thought it through.  As we know, she does reconsider her feelings about Jorah eventually.  Maybe there was no way she could have seen the other side of it at this time, no matter how long she took to evaluate it.  But I don’t know—she knows Barristan served her enemies but converted to her cause, and Jorah is really no different.  On top of that, she has to be aware that Barristan has his own agenda here: Barristan is an extremely noble personage (one of the few in this story), but the friction between him and Jorah is never far from the surface, and he knows that he’s never going to get closer to Dany’s good graces with Jorah in the way.  I can’t believe this is not obvious to everyone—neither Barristan nor Jorah is going to any lengths to hide it.  So Dany has got to realize that sending Jorah away is playing directly into Barristan’s strategy.  Or at least she would, if she could take a moment to analyze the situation thoroughly.

On the other hand, Jorah did endanger her baby, which Barristan never did.  So I suppose it’s understandable.  Still, not one of my favorite Dany moments.

[5] The character of Shae is perhaps one of the biggest disappointments of the entire show.  Her character in the books is a bit of a simpleton: one of the few women in the story who is weak and more-or-less useless.  Her character in the show is much smarter, and more mysterious, and comes with hints of an intriguing backstory ... which we never learn.  At first she seems honestly devoted to Tyrion, and I understand if she’s wounded by his attempts to drive her away.  But she seems like she sees through this (as do we all: it’s not like he’s particularly subtle about it).  So can she really be upset enough to want to see him dead?  She shows up at Tyrion’s trial and not only testifies against him, but puts the nail in his coffin with out-and-out lies, knowing that this is going to sentence him to death.  So, while I understand that she’s pissed off, I can’t understand being pissed off enough to want to kill the guy she was supposedly in love with just days or weeks ago.

Maybe she never actually loved him?  Then I didn’t understand her even as much as I thought I did.  Maybe there’s something in her personality that would make sense of her going into a murderous rage after being rejected.  If so, that wasn’t communicated in her story as presented to us.  And why then cozy up to Tywin?  Is she playing him and doing an amazing job?  If so, why do such a shitty job of playing Tyrion when she sees him last?  Don’t forget: Tyrion doesn’t kill her because she slept with his father.  Tyrion kills her because she’s actively trying to kill him at the time.  (And I’m sure having slept with his father doesn’t help.)  If she was a master manipulator, she should have tried to manipulate Tyrion in that moment ... maybe it wouldn’t have worked, but I bet that, even then, he still had a huge soft spot for her.  In many ways, she was his greatest weakness.  But the point is, she should have tried.  Instead, she picks up a knife and attacks.  This is silly.  And even worse for being perhaps the only stupid move she makes in the entire storyline.

So, overall, I can’t fathom Shae.  I don’t know who she really is, I don’t know who the showrunners want me to think she is, and I can’t make any logical sense of her actions, even if I assume she’s not a logical person.

[6] Think I’m exaggerating?  Fine: she chooses Joffrey over Arya, Stannis over the Hound, Loras over Dontos, Littlefinger over Royce, and Littlefinger again over Brienne.  Now, obviously not all of those would have worked out for her: the Hound may not have been any more successful getting Sansa to a living Stark than he was with Arya, and Dontos was just delivering her to Littlefinger anyway.  And Stannis and Loras were more hopeful dreams than actual offers, but that’s what made them bad choices: choosing an actual Stannis in the castle over running off with the Hound in the middle of the night would be a no-brainer.  But she threw away a real, present chance to escape the nightmare she was trapped in on the hope that Stannis might win the battle.  Really, the only one of these choices I don’t fault her for was the pipe dream of marrying Loras: giving that up to sail off with Littlefinger (whether or not facilitated by Dontos, who she already knew was a drunkard) wasn’t a great option, granted.  But it’s still a remarkable string of bad choices, and I don’t think I even remembered them all.

[7] I’d forgotten that line as well.

[8] In this case, it’s Shireen’s promise to Davos about the upcoming battle, which she will never live to see.

[9] In the behind-the-scenes short, the showrunners postulate that this is the first time in the entire show’s run—comprising dozens, if not hundreds, of deaths—where we see someone die of old age.

[10] It apparently wasn’t enough to set the maneating tiger loose; now she’s tracked it back to its lair and is trying to pet it for eating all the people she didn’t like.  And then seems surprised when it bites her arm off.

[11] I completely didn’t understand this death.  The Sons of the Harpy are supposedly representatives of the Great Masters, who are obviously resentful of Dany, who freed all their slaves.  But, in this scene, the Sons of the Harpy are killing more of the rich people than the former slaves.  That seems rather counterproductive.  As for Hizdahr (a.k.a. “what’s-his-name”), he enters the scene with apologies for being late, saying he was just taking care of some last minute preparations, which is as obvious a clue that he was in on the whole attack as it could possibly be.  Yet he too is killed by the bad guys.  Now, you might say that this was just a red herring planted by the writers to throw us off, except that that doesn’t make any sense.  On first viewing, we have no clue that an attack is coming: it’s a huge shock when it breaks out.  So there’s nothing to throw us off from.  On repeat viewing, on the other hand, we already know that Hizdahr gets killed during this scene, strongly implying that Daario is wrong in his insistence about Hizdahr being aligned with the Sons of the Harpy, so what’s the point in trying to mislead us?  No, the whole “red herring” theory doesn’t make any sense.  And yet Chekhov’s gun implies that there must be some point to the line.  So I don’t understand which side Hizdahr is on, I don’t understand which side the Sons of the Harpy are on (other than that they’re certainly not on Dany’s side), and I’m still entirely sure whether I’m supposed to be sad that what’s-his-name is dead now.

So, as I said: no great loss.

[12] This is Dany’s second great “fuck yeah!” moment.  I dunno; there’s just something vicariously awesome about watching a big dragon show up and turn your enemies into crispy critters.

[13] Don’t forget: this is the woman who had to work up to burning her daughter alive by burning several other members of her family alive, including her brother(S4E2).  And she was a shitty mother, even before taking this rather drastic turn for the shittier.  So I shan’t be shedding any tears.

[14] Honestly, I think she broke him.  I think maybe there was some chance he might have been the chosen one, before she talked him into killing his own daughter.  Not that that would have been a particularly happy outcome.  So I suppose it’s all for the best.

[15] How deep could it have been anyway?  There was a weird thaw going on: it’s a major plot point of the episode.

[16] This is undoubtedly the best Arya kill ever.  Not the most satisfying, to be sure (that’s still to come), but bloody and drawn out and reduces a total dick to whimpering jelly ... just great.

[17] I’m a bit surprised Jon falls for this bit of trickery.  It seems over-obvious, especially in retrospect.  Olly was very clearly not on board with this whole wildling thing, and he was just a bit too enthusiastic in delivering that news about Benjen.

I do like the callback to Julius Caesar here though.  Everyone has to stab him once so that the killing blow can’t be ascribed to any one person.

⇐ Part 1

Part 3 ⇒

The midst of March

Well, we survived one birthday, and another one is a’coming.  Plus the kids’ grandma is here for a few weeks ... lots going on!  No time to talk; check in next week.

Game of Thrones Rewatch: the "Short" Version (Part 1)

In honor of the final season of Game of Thrones, I’ve decided to rewatch the entire series, finishing up just in time to watch the upcoming season 8 in real time.  As I went through it, I decided to make little notes to myself: at first, it was just a note of when every major (or semi-major, in some cases) character dies, and maybe some of the best quotes.  As I got deeper into it, I made more and more notes, little questions, or revelations (“oh, that’s what that meant!”), or snide comments on dramatic ironies (“yeah, sure you’ll talk about it ‘when you get back’ ...”), or just observations of my outlook or feelings on a particular happenstance.  Eventually, it involved into the pseudo-outline you see below.

When I first began, I had 72 days to watch 67 episodes.  As of this writing, I have 29 days left to watch 31 episodes, so I’ve fallen a bit behind, but definitely not enough to make me worried that I won’t be able to hit the goal.  Obviously I’m not done yet; what you’re getting today is only the first 3 seasons.  But it worked out that that’s about the right length for a blog post.  Since my commentary is picking up (and going deeper) the longer I go on, it’s likely that the next 4 seasons may turn into 2 blog posts; we’ll just have to see.

Here are the rules of my rewatch commentary:

• THERE ARE METRIC SHIT-TONS OF SPOILERS HERE.  One wouldn’t think I would have to point this out, as it’s a rewatch, but people will complain.  If you haven’t already watched all the seasons of GoT up till the last one, DON’T READ THIS.  Perhaps you can come back when you’re all caught up.  (To be crystal clear: just because the comment is in season 3 doesn’t mean that it won’t contain spoilers for season 4 ... or season 7.  Obviously there are no spoilers for season 8 yet.)
• (Speaking of “shit-tons” ...)  I curse.  Anyone who’s read any of my other blog posts will already know this, but perhaps you got here via some link or other and don’t know what you’re in for.  Although the previous bullet point should have been a giveaway.
• My opnions are just that: opinions.  I present them here in case you find them interesting, but I’m not trying to convince you to believe as I do.  I ask that you show me the same courtesy should you choose to leave a comment—that is, feel free to share your own opinions, but don’t try to tell me I’m “wrong.”
• Likewise, whatever moments I found worthy of comment are also my opinions.  If I left out one of your favorites, sorry about that.  Feel free to remind me of it in the blog post comments.
• My comments are always super-quick.  If I want to expand on a particular thing, I do it as a pseudo-footnote.  In this case, “pseudo-footnote” means “formatted almost exactly like a footnote, but way more obvious.”  These “footnotes” are designed to be less ignorable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t ignore them if you want to.  They’re just topics I wanted to explore a bit further.  Sometimes only a sentence or two more, sometimes whole paragraphs.  Read ’em or not: your call.
• There’s not a comment on every episode.  Especially in the early episodes: sometimes there’s just nothing that jumped out at me that hour.
• I am watching the “Inside the Episode” shorts after the shows, for every show.  Occasionally that will inform my commentary (but usually not).
• Once I’m done with the rewatch, I may keep some commentary on the final season.  Or I may not; no promises.

Season 1

• Episode 2: I never liked Sansa.
• Episode 6: I continue to dislike Sansa.  In fact, I may like her even less at this point.
• Aaaand there goes Viserys.  “He was no dragon.  Fire cannot kill a dragon.” —Daenerys
• Episode 7: Aaaand there goes Robert.
• “I did warn you not to trust me ...” —Littlefinger
• Episode 8: Arya kill #1.  (Many more to come.)
• Episode 9: “Surely there are ways to have me killed that are less detrimental to the war effort.” —Tyrion
• Aaaand there goes Ned.
• Episode 10: “There are no men like me.  Only me.” —Jaime

Season 2

• Episode 3: Man, I really dislike Sansa.
• Tyrion is really good at all this political maneuvering stuff.  Theon is really bad at it.
• Ah, Brienne: so young and innocent back then.
• Episode 4: Joffrey is a sick fuck.
• Episode 5: Aaaand there goes Renly.
• I wish Theon didn’t suck so bad. [1]
• “No, my lord.  Anyone can be killed.” —Arya
• Episode 6: “You’re brave.  Stupid, but brave.” —Ygritte
• Episode 7: This Ironborn schmuck that keeps egging Theon on ... I’m starting to wonder if he works for Theon’s sister.
• Ah! there it is: the very first “You know nothing, Jon Snow.”  First of many.
• “It’s better to be cruel than weak.” —Theon  (Dumber words were never spoken.)
• From the perspective of later-seasons-Jaime, it is sometimes difficult to remember what an awful shit he is.
• Episode 8: How much easier would it have been if Arya had just named Cersei as one of her 3 deaths?
• Episode 9: Sansa should’ve gone with the Hound.  Another in a long string of bad decisions.
• Episode 10: “My father is dead.  And the only parent I have left has no right to call anyone reckless.” —Robb  (Zing!)
• Aaaand there goes Maester Luwin.
• Aaaand there goes the first person to die from dragonfire in a thousand years.  But definitely not the last.
• I’m still not entirely sure why the White Walkers didn’t just kill Sam ...

Season 3

• Episode 1: Holy shit! it’s Qyburn!!  I had no recollection of him showing up this early.
• Tywin continues to demonstrate that he richly deserves his ultimate fate.
• Nobody listens to Davos.  Sigh.
• Episode 2: Margaery appears to be the only person on the planet capable of controlling Joffrey.
• Episode 3: Aaaand there goes Jaime’s hand.
• Episode 4: There is but one person in the seven kingdoms who can give Joffrey a run for his money in the sick fuck department.  Poor Theon.  Still a jerk, but nobody deserves Ramsay.
• Aaaand there goes Lord Commander Mormont.  (And Craster, too, but that’s no great loss.)
• Only the second person on the planet to die from dragonfire, but undoubtedly the most deserving. [2]
• Episode 5: Aaaand there goes Beric.  No, wait ... never mind.
• Aaaand there goes Jon’s virginity.
• And this is the place where Jaime changes from mostly-bad-guy to sorta-kinda-hero. [3]
• Episode 6: Melisandre to Arya: “We’ll meet again.”  Looking forward to that shit! [4]
• Aaaand there goes Ros.
• Episode 7: “I’m stupid.  A stupid little girl with stupid dreams who never learns.” —Sansa  (Hey: she said it, not me.)
• Man, people in this show make a lot of promises they’re not going to be able to keep ...
• Episode 8: “If you ever call me sister again I’ll have you strangled in your sleep.” —Cersei [5]
• I can’t decide whether Tyrion really is that drunk, or if he’s just faking it. [6]
• Aaaand there goes the first White Walker to die from dragonglass in a thousand years.  But definitely not the last.
• Episode 9: Eek ... another wedding.  This never ends well ... [7]
• Aaaand there goes Robb.  And his wife.   And their unborn child.  And his wolf.
• And Catelyn.
• Episode 10: Tywin sending Joffrey to bed in the middle of the day is one of my favorite moments.
• Sam gives Meera some dragonglass arrowheads.  I hadn’t remembered that.
• “It’s not easy being drunk all the time.  Everyone would do it if it were easy.” —Tyrion
• Arya kill #2.

[1] Our culture has what I’ve always considered a curious custom: we do not speak ill of the dead.  No matter how shitty a person is in life, once they’re dead, we’re supposed to pretend they were a saint.  I’ve never really bought into it.  An asshole is an asshole, alive or dead.

There’s a parallel situation with Sansa and Theon.  Terrible things happen to them—truly horrible, awful things.  Do I feel sympathy for them?  Of course I do!  I’m not a monster.

But that doesn’t change the fact that they make some truly idiotic choices.  And that’s compounded by the fact that neither of them is particularly an idiot.  At least if they were stupid, you could understand it.  But they both have opportunities to make the right choices ... good choices.  And they both flub it.  Over and over.  I easily remembered Sansa’s first worst choice: it’s right in episode #2, where she chooses Joffrey over her family.  Raised to value honor over everything else, to value family over everyone else, she rejects both for a fantasy of a golden prince.  We can argue that she’s only a little girl at the time, but both Arya and Bran are younger, and they consistently make better choices than Sansa.  And, to make it worse, even after Cersei demonstrates to Sansa what terrible people she wants to marry into in a very painful way (remember: Sansa is the first to lose her wolf), Sansa continues to wail on about how much she loves Joffrey.  Puh-lease.

I didn’t even remember the corresponding scene for Theon until this rewatch, but it comes in S2E3.  Theon was so looking forward to this grand homecoming and it goes so badly.  And, sure, his father is a crushing asshole, and his sister is an even bigger dick than he is, and he brings a lot of it on himself with his bad decisions.  But he knows what the right course of action is.  He actually writes a letter to Robb (this is the part I’d forgotten), and he’s ready to ... I don’t know, exactly—send it? run away and deliver it himself?  But either way he’s going to warn Robb about his crazy father’s plans.  He’s all set to go ... and then he burns the letter.  Epically bad choice.  And, again, not the last one.

So, while I do sympathize with Sansa, and with Theon, that doesn’t mean I have to like them.  They do stupid things, despite not being stupid, they choose dishonorable paths, despite being raised by what is essentially the only honorable family on the continent, and they choose to go along instead of running away over and over even though it always works out badly for them.  I will never claim that they deserve the awfulness that is visited upon them.  But I’m also not going to pretend they’re anything other than terrible people.


[2] I’m still not sure how I feel about this scene.  Daenerys is a serious bad-ass, and there’s a lot of “fuck yeah!” going on here.  But, at the same time, Dany is always an honourable person, and this transaction feels like cheating.  I can’t find any statement she made that was an actual lie, but it certainly is breaking the spirit of the agreement to pay for an army with something that will murder the seller.  She’s getting something for nothing here.  And, yes, I know: she’s freeing an entire city full of slaves, and the guy had no right to be selling people in the first place.  But it still feels wrong, somehow.

On the other hand, I was looking forward to this scene the entire season.  One of my all-time favorites.  Fuck yeah!


[3] To be clear, I realize that Jaime was never completely evil (certainly not in the way that Joffrey is, or Ramsay), and I also realize that he never really becomes noble (the way that Jon and Dany do).  But Jaime is the closest to what I would refer to as a “heel turn”.  Technically (as that link will tell you), a heel turn is only when someone goes from being a good guy to being a bad guy.  But I’m happy enough to use it for the opposite situation as well.  Some ongoing stories (be they novels or TV shows) radically overuse the heel turn; my favorite example is Heroes, where, if you watch for enough seasons (hint: don’t do that), pretty much every single character undergoes at least one heel turn, and several characters (the most obvious one being Sylar, although Claire’s father Noah is nearly as bad) flip-flop back and forth so much it makes your head spin trying to keep up.  GoT has surprisingly few heel turns for a show that eschews black and white this hard (and, for more pointless meandering on that topic, see my post on shades of gray in fantasy.)  You could try to argue Tyrion, but he was never that bad a guy: his worst sins were decadence and a touch of laziness.  You could try to argue Varys, but he was never a bad guy either: you just couldn’t tell which side he was on.  Maybe the Hound?  Well, he may undergo some sort of redemptive arc before the story’s done, but I doubt we’ll ever think of him as an actual good guy.

No, I think Jaime is actually the only character who starts out as unquestionably bad (e.g. pushing Bran out the window, right in S1E1), and then then ends up, I would argue, unquestionably good.  First, he performs his little deception to keep Brienne from being raped, then he takes a bit more active role by going back to save her life after he was already free, then he sends her off to track down Sansa and Arya to try to fulfill his oath to poor, dead Catelyn, then his kindness to Tyrion in the dungeons, then the whole trip to Dorn to rescue Myrcella, and I honestly think that, at the end, he will be the only thing keeping Cersei from destroying the whole world, much the same way he kept the Mad King from destroying all of King’s Landing (the story of which was the impetus for my comment, which led to this long digression).  I hate to make predictions about a show which works so very very hard to be unpredictable, but let’s just say that, if Jaime dies while killing Cersei to keep her from carrying out some devastating scheme, I’ll be busy patting myself on the back.

So I think Jaime’s arc is a proper heel turn, and I think it may well be the only one in the whole story.  Which I’m fine with, and I’m mostly on board with it.  It is really hard to forget that image of him pushing Bran (and the whole smirk, and the little quip—“The things we do for love!”—certainly don’t help any), and I definitely don’t claim we should forgive him for that.  But I do think we have to recognize that not only is there a core of goodness in him, even in the beginning, when it’s buried pretty deep, but also that he’s actively changing over the course of the story.  I think that’s very different from a character like Tyrion, or even Arya, where what’s changing is not so much their fundamental natures, but rather our understanding of them.


[4] I’d completely forgotten this line.  One of several times during the rewatch that I was surprised by something I hadn’t remembered.  Which is, of course, really the whole point of the exercise.


[5] The way that Cersei looks at Margaery when Margaery takes her arm is utterly brilliant.  The amount of scorn that Lena Headey can invest in a single look is astonishing: it’s more than you would think humanly possible.  While Cersei is one of my least favorite characters, I postively adore Headey.  If you want to see her in something where you’ll hate her character a bit less, I recommend The Sarah Connor Chronicles.


[6] This is on his wedding night, to Sansa.  He does seem very drunk.  But he also makes some very canny decisions while supposedly falling over pissed.


[7] Were I dispensing advice, I would suggest 2 rules for common-sense survival in Westeros:

1. If anyone tries to promise you they’ll tell you more about a topic when they see you again, tie them down and do not let them leave until they spill it.
2. Under no circumstances attend any weddings.

Part 2 ⇒

First birthday of the year

Sliding into the March birthday season, it’s the Smaller Animal’s birthday weekend, so it works out nicely that I don’t have to do a long post this week.  You know, I was just looking at what we did last year for the corresponding weekend, and this weekend was mostly the same: Subway and Panda Express, make The Mother cook “Burden spaghetti” (we call it that because it comes from my side of the family, although, since it actually derives from my mother’s family, it should more properly be called “Baird spaghetti,” and the tale of that recipe is probably worthy of its own blog post one day), attend a showing of a CGI movie.  Last year we couldn’t find a place to watch the chosen flick (Early Man, which we saw later when it came out on DVD/streaming, and it was quite excellent); this year we went with the Lego Movie 2, which was easier to find and just as entertaining.  Also, at home we watched Ralph Breaks the Internet, which is yet another CGI movie, and it was also quite fun.  Also, birthday donuts again (pretty much everyone gets that for their birthday), and still more videogames.

The new thing—well, it’s still technically a videogame, so perhaps not entirely new—this year was Nintendo Labo, which is this bizarre concoction of cardboard and string kits that you build, and then play videogames with, most of involves which a lot of moving around.  It’s half craft kit, half videogame, and half exercise machine.  It’s really quite amazing on a lot of levels.  First of all, my kid is, right this very second, jumping around in what is essentially a VR rig made out of carbboard, that he assembled himself without any real tools, and is now using to control a giant robot on the screen that he makes punch and stomp things by, well, punching and stomping.  So that’s pretty impressive right off the bat.  It was also amazing how much time he was willing to put into following the laborious instructions, which are themselves amazing, because instead of being scores of printed pages with indecipherable diagrams and badly translated text, they’re friggin’ movies.  And not just movies, because they use the gaming console, so you can back up, or zoom in, or change the camera angle.  Shit, man: if Ikea ever figures out how to do instrucitons like this, comedians will run out of material.

So it’s been a pretty decent weekend, and I think the kid has had fun.  And in 3 more weeks we get to do it all again, only with a more tyrannical master: our fairy princess will be turning 7.  Joy.

Classical Plasma I

"The Night Aquarium Is Closed"

[This is one post in a series about my music mixes.  The series list has links to all posts in the series and also definitions of many of the terms I use.  You may wish to read the introduction for more background.

Like all my series, it is not necessarily contiguous—that is, I don’t guarantee that the next post in the series will be next week.  Just that I will eventually finish it, someday.  Unless I get hit by a bus.]


I’ve always said there’s only 2 kinds of music I don’t like at all: country and opera.  All other types, I like at least a little bit.  Take classical music, for instance.  There isn’t a lot of classical music I like, but there’s a few pieces.  And, a few months ago, I got a wild hair to make a mix based around classical music.  Of course, the big problem is that I don’t really like enough classical music to make an interesting mix out of it, and also classical music pieces can sometimes be hugely long, which I rarely allow on my mixes.¹  So I thought, let’s expand the parameters.  What about cinematic music?  Mostly I favor soundtracks with actual songs on them,² but the more common, neoclassical-style form of soundtrack has its place too.  Often I pick up such things to use as bridges for other mixes; Four Rooms, for instance, with its instrumental tracks composed nearly entirely of tunes by Combustible Edison, is great for this, although perhaps not properly neoclassical.  We’ve seen snippets from Beetlejuice and The Da Vinci Code³ and Coraline⁴ and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,⁵, and we’ll see more from those movies and many others.  But there are also some pieces from soundtracks that are larger, more stand-alone, and don’t lend themselves to quick instrumental breaks on otherwise-vocal mixes.  And what about gaming music?  Both videogame soundtracks, and what I often consider to be music composed exclusively for listening in the background while playing roleplaying games?  Those are often in this ballpark as well, and, again: some of them can squeeze into some of my other mixes here and there, but many of them are left looking for a home.

So here we are, with something a bit beyond classical gas and into a whole new state of matter.  I think I’ve managed to represent most of my classical and neoclassical interests here, and the mood is fairly wide-ranging.  Most importantly, I think a really good classical piece tells a story: Peter and the Wolf does that, as does The Nutcracker Suite and The Carnival of the Animals.  That story is mostly in the mind of the listener, but I think we can all agree it’s still there.  I wanted this mix to tell a story in the traditions of those classical pieces, and I feel pretty good about what I ended up with.  (Interestingly, I used individual tunes of two of those three longer pieces, plus some from another, similar work.  Whether I was successful in recontextualizing them or not, I’ll leave it to you to decide.)  So I’m going to do something I don’t normally do for these mixes and actually tackle the exact order of the tracks.  Perhaps it’ll help to clarify the journey I’m trying to send you on.

First, a few notes about the works I’m drawing from.  There’s the Nutcracker Suite, of course, which many people think of as Christmas music, but I have to say I don’t.  Each tune within the suite is its own little world, as far as I’m concerned, and I really like some of them, and don’t care for others.  There’s also the Mother Goose Suite⁶ by Ravel.  My eldest heard this on the radio at a fairly young age and declared it was the only classical music they’d ever actually liked, so of course I tracked it down.  Eventually I started to like it too.  The Carnival of the Animals by Saint-Saëns has only a few pieces I like, including the amazing “Aquarium,” but Saint-Saëns is also the author of Danse Macabre, which you’ve heard in countless cartoons and Jim Beam commercials.  Erik Satie’s piece I first heard in its Gary Numan form in LittleBigPlanet;⁷ most of the rest of the “properly classical” tracks I gleaned from yet another in the Lifescapes series: Classical Meditation.⁸

In the soundtrack department, there are a few names one can’t really skip over in a mix such as this: John Williams is the major figure that looms over modern cinematic music, of course, but Hans Zimmer is a pretty big name as well, and Danny Elfman, while perhaps not as traditional as the others, is just as ubiquitous when it comes to soundtracks.  Perhaps lesser-known, but no less talented, is Christopher Young, who is known primarily for his work on horror film soundtracks such as Hellraiser and (the one I draw from here) Drag Me to Hell.  For videogames, I’m looking at Jesper Kyd (Assassin’s Creed) and Koji Kondo (Legend of Zelda).  For gaming music, I have my old standbys Midnight Syndicate and Nox Arcana, plus yet another track off the CD that I got with an Eberron book.⁹

For this particular tracklist, I’m going to follow the classical music tradition of listing the composer as the artist rather than the performer.  In most cases, the performer is not critical; any reasonably competent performance of the piece should suffice.  Pick your favorite, if you have one, or listen to a few and pick the one that strikes your fancy.  For the soundtracks, of course (both movie and videogame), there is generally just the one version, so you’re covered there.  The big exception would be the Kondo piece; I recommend the Legend of Zelda 30th anniversary CD, which gives orchestral interpretations of many of the classical Zelda tunes.¹⁰  But there are 3 exceptions to the pick-your-own-version guideline, which I’ve indicated in the tracklist using “performed by” tags.

First, “Aquarium,” from The Carnival of the Animals, is an interesting and tricky piece.  Saint-Saëns wrote it specifically for the glass harmonica, which is an instrument that almost no orchestra will actually have on hand (nor anyone to play it even if they did).  Because of this, there are various strategies to getting around this, including using a glockenspiel, a celesta, or just chimes (or even, in the supreme cop-out, trying to play it on the piano).  Some strategies work better than others, but since we’re talking about entirely different instruments (as opposed to just different performances, different instrumentalists, etc), there are pretty huge differences in one version of “Aquarium” vs another.  First of all, if there exists any good quality recording of this piece played orchestrally with the glass harmonica, I haven’t found it.¹¹  The one I indicate, by the ever-popular Nash Ensemble, is in my opinion the best substitute.¹²  Secondly, there are a million different versions of “In the Hall of the Mountain King” (yet another tune you’ll be familiar with from cartoons and commercials).  In this case, you really want the amazing version by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, from the soundtrack for The Social Network.  Trust me.  Finally, “Once Upon a December” is actually a vocal piece, from the not-quite-Disney movie Anastasia.¹³  But this version is an instrumental one by piano virtuoso Emile Pandolfi.  I don’t actually like the version from the movie.  But this version is sublime.

Since there are no words on the entire mix, there’s no lyrics to draw a title from.  So I’ve taken a different approach on this one: I took a few words from each of three different track titles and glued them together.  It provides an evocative, yet non-specific, volume title.

Classical Plasma I
[ The Night Aquarium Is Closed ]

“Tableau I: Spinning Wheel Dance and Scene” by Maurice Ravel, off Mother Goose (ballet) [Classical Piece]
“Meeting Aragog” by John Williams, off Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets [Soundtrack]
“Into the Night” by Nox Arcana, off Legion of Shadows
“In the Hall of the Mountain King” by Edvard Grieg (performed by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross) [Single]
“Drag Me to Hell” by Christopher Young, off Drag Me to Hell [Soundtrack]
“Danse Macabre” by Camille Saint-Saëns [Single]
“Sharn: City of Towers” by David P. Davidson, off Shards of Eberron [Game Soundtrack]
“Act II. Le Cafe (The Arabian Dance)” by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, off The Nutcracker Suite [Classical Piece]
“Spirit of Damascus” by Jesper Kyd [Single]
“Dream Within a Dream” by Hans Zimmer, off Inception [Soundtrack]
“Tableau III: Conversations of Beauty and the Beast” by Maurice Ravel, off Mother Goose (ballet) [Classical Piece]
“Nocturne #19” by Frédéric Chopin, off Lifescapes: Classical Meditation [Compilation]
“The Carnival of the Animals - zoological fantasy: The Aquarium” by Camille Saint-Saëns (performed by Nash Ensemble) [Single]
“Gymnopedie #1” by Erik Satie, off Lifescapes: Classical Meditation [Compilation]
“Prelude in C-Minor” by Johann Sebastian Bach, off Lifescapes: Classical Meditation [Compilation]
“Act II. Le Tea (The Chinese Dance)” by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, off The Nutcracker Suite [Classical Piece]
“Gerudo Valley” by Koji Kondo [Single]
“Fate” by Danny Elfman, off Wanted [Soundtrack]
“City of Sails” by Midnight Syndicate, off Dungeons & Dragons [Game Soundtrack]
“Once Upon a December” by David Newman & Stephen Flaherty (performed by Emile Pandolfi) [Single]
“The Park Is Closed” by John Williams & Michael Giacchino [Single]
   

Total:  21 tracks,  74:58

So we begin with “tableaux I” of Moother Goose: “Spinning Wheel Dance and Scene.”  The main thing that I love about this is that it just bursts into being, and then slows down a bit to settle into a groove which is somehow both magical and slightly menacing.  Something amazing is coming, but it might not be the good kind of amazing.  As this track slowly fades away, we get to “Meeting Aragog,” from the second Harry Potter movie.  If you know the movie, you know that this signals the arrival of the amazing thing, and it is definitely not the good kind.  Which carries us perfecty into Nox Arcana’s “Into the Night,” which I’ve always felt was a sort of background menacing—it’s like looking out into the darkness and knowing that something scary is probably out there, but you have no idea what it is.  The final bell chime fading away from that tune is replaced by the electronic hum of Nine Inch Nails’ founder Trent Reznor’s take on the classic Halloween piece “In the Hall of the Mountain King.”  This particular version starts out with a pretty slow tempo, but gradually builds up to a sort of frantic frenzy, which crescendoes to several false stops, and then bleeds perfectly into the demonic “Drag Me to Hell,” which is pretty much right what it says on the tin.  From there, it makes perfect sense to gently slide into “Danse Macabre,” which, after all, means “Dance of the Dead.”

The strange thing about “Danse Macabre,” though, it that it’s not actually creepy in the same way that “Drag Me to Hell” is.  Despite the fact that “Danse Macabre” is specifically supposed to represent Death fiddling skeletons from their graves on Halloween, there’s a gentleness, and even a playfulness to it, that starts to come up out of the darkness that the opening tracks plunged us quickly into.  It ends with a very quiet violin part, and then the opening strings of “Sharn: City of Towers” come up, and it really feels like dawn breaking on the impossibly tall spires of a fantasy city.  Which is not unlike what Tchaikovsky wants us to feel with his “Arabian Dance,” harkening back, as it does somehow, to stories like Aladdin and Sinbad.  Which is, of course, the perfect intro to “Spirit of Damascus,” which (coming from the Assassin’s Creed version of the Middle East) seems to marry the quiet nomadic spirit of Arabia to the fantasy feel of Sharn.  All this majestic building culminates in the somewhat dramatic “Dream Within a Dream” (from Inception).

Which in turn leads us to a quieter turn in the mix, starting off with the middle act of the Mother Goose Suite, “Conversations of Beauty and the Beast.”  It does indeed have a conversational tone, and it flows nicely into one of Chopin’s “Nocturne"s.  This is a quieter, contemplative piece which allows the listener to reflect on perhaps a quiet nighttime vista.  And that in turn bleeds very prettily into “Aquarium,” with its waterlike trills and glissandoes, and then directly to “Gymnopedie,” both of which have a natural feel, like quietly watching animals roam about, unaware of being observed.  The turn to Bach’s “Prelude in C-Minor” is a bit of a step down, as the key implies, but it’s still a piece that’s more reflective than sad.

The next “movement” of the mix kicks off with another portion of the Nutcracker Suite: in this case, “The Chinese Dance.”  It’s the perfect bridge, as it retains a ghost of the contemplative nature of the previous set, but also sets up for the much more active “Gerudo Valley,” which has a bit of a feel of traveling along an exotic landscape.  This leads inevitably to “Fate,” which feels like a brief moment of preparation before setting off on the journey that is “City of Sails.”  As the name implies, this is also a traveling song, but more like a slow ocean journey than the rapid transit of “Gerudo Valley.”

Finally, we come to the closing of this musical story, which kicks off with the gentle, mildly romantic piano of “Once Upon a December.”  This is a waltz-like piece that feels a lot like a slow dance, perhaps the last one before “The Park Is Closed.”  This latter marriage of John William’s original Jurassic Park score with Michael Giacchino’s updated musings provides the perfect closer for the mix.


Next time, we’ll dig a little deeper into the meaning of “operatic.”

__________

1 As always, there are some exceptions.
2 Two of my favorites in this regard are Pretty in Pink and Lost Boys.
3 Both on Phantasma Chorale I.
4 Also on Phantasma Chorale, but also once on Shadowfall Equinox IV.
5 On Paradoxically Sized World II.
6 There are two versions of this: an orchestral piece and a ballet.  The ballet includes extra interludes as well as new bookend movements, so it’s more complete.
7 Also the inspiration for the Paradoxically Sized World mixes.
8 Although of course you could feel free to substitute your favorite versions of those tracks; I know the Lifescapes CDs are a pain in the ass to find.
9 For a fuller discussion of this CD, see Phantasma Chorale I.
10 The link in the tracklist is actually to a YouTube copy of that exact version.
11 Please enlighten me in the comments section if you know of one.
12 I’m pretty sure their choice of substitute is glockenspiel, but I haven’t been able to pin it down for certain.
13 To be clear, it wasn’t really even remotely a Disney movie at the time, although it used the classic Disney animated movie style, and many people misremember it as a Disney film.  In a weird twist of fate, it now belongs to Disney, after their merger with Fox, so it ended up being a Disney movie after all.

What? I have a blog??

Nothing exciting to say this week.  Nor unexciting neither, I suppose.  Tune in next week.

Snailing on the Railing

About 5 years ago now, I took a picture of snail climbing one of the handrails at my then-office.  One does not expect to find such a thing on the way in to work, so I remarked on it, took the picture, and thought to myself: “snailing on the railing ... heheh.”

A few weeks later I took this lame piece of doggerel and turned it into a whole lame poem.  Now, understand: I believe that I’m a pretty good writer.  But that doesn’t make me a good poet ... in point of fact, I’m a mediocre poet, and even then my college poetry professor might call that bragging.  But every once in a great while I’m struck by ... something ... and I write a smaller piece, nearly always something with a definite rhyme scheme but playing fast and loose with the meter.  None of them have ever been any good, really, although I’m quite fond of the very first one of these I wrote, although my poetry professor called it “trite,” or “overblown,” or possibly both of those, or something else equally soul-crushing—my poetry professor was a bit of a dick, really, and made more than one person in the class cry, but he taught me quite a lot about what poetry really ought to be, and what it has to say, and what it needs to convey to people other than its author (i.e. to its audience).  He would often say something along the lines of “if you’re pouring out your emotions on the page, and it makes you feel better, that’s lovely, but that’s a diary, not a poem.”  He told us right at the beginning not to bring that stuff in, but people often don’t listen, so, you know: tears.  But he pushed us, and some of us actually were good poets, and I learned a hell of a lot in that class, and one of the main things I learned is that I am not a particularly good poet.

But I’m okay with that.  I don’t write poetry very often anyway.  I don’t read poetry very often either (probably those two things are connected).  The poems I like are typically not free verse: they have boundaries, even if they push them.  I like “The Walrus and the Carpenter” by Lewis Carroll, and I like “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe.  Perhaps most relevantly to the effort below, I like “anyone lived in a pretty how town” by E. E. Cummings.  But perhaps before we start deconstructing my piece, we should take a look at what it looks like when it’s all constructed.  Below is the picture, and the poem.

there’s a snailing
on the railing
and I cannot help but think
it’s a failing
of the trailing
having once been on the brink

what one decides
as he resides
here—it makes me wonder more
what he’s tailing
unassailing
what he even came here for

was he unhappy?
home life crappy?
thought he’d see the great wide world?
was he ailing?
and now prevailing
with his destiny unfurled?

does he regret it
find it fetid
the universe beyond his sill
p’raps he’s wailing
even flailing
wishes to be back there still

then again heightened
completely unfrightened
maybe all along his goal
this peak he’s scaling
grit unfailing
to match the soaring of his soul

I wish to draw it full
even if implausible
to slake my yearning fancy
to add more detailing
than only mere surveilling
or traipsing off feeling antsy

because otherwise
(if I may summarize)
this image is just too plain
and it’s merely a snailing
here on the railing
and that would seem a shame

This is not much changed from what I originally wrote, those 5 years ago.  I fixed a few clumsy word choices and cleaned up the meter slightly ... which is not to say that many of the word choices are not still clumsy, or that the meter is now untortured.  But it’s better than my initial off-the-cuff effort (just take my word for it).

Looking back on it somewhat critically, it seems to have some things in common with Cummings.  The lack of capitalization is the most obvious—Cummings somewhat famously played fast-and-loose with case (and punctuation), to the point where there’s still a good deal of controversy over whether his name should be rendered as “e e cummings” or not (Wikipedia says not).  There are of course varying opinions on why he did this, but I personally have always felt he wanted to challenge our preconceived notions of grammar; to make us think about why we use this or that convention, and what they really add (or don’t add) to our conversation.  I wish I could claim to be as thought-provoking, but the truth is that I find poetry really difficult to punctuate.  I nearly always know exactly what to do in prose, but the very compactness of poetry is part of why I suck at it so much.  When given a lot of words to play with, I find it easy to write, and easy to revise: the freedom to replace 5 words with 2—or with 10—gives me a lot of options, and I can play with those options and figure out the best choice.  But the nature of poetry (especially poetry with meter and/or rhyme) means that many options are automatically lost, because they just won’t fit, and you need to agonize over every word.  In fact, my poetry professor used to say exactly that: in prose, some words can ride along for free.  In poetry, every word, no matter how seemingly insignificant, has to pull its weight.  And the same goes for punctuation, but it becomes worse: not only does every punctuation mark have to have a definitive purpose, but it messes with the flow.  In prose, punctuation directs the flow.  As a prose writer, I use punctuation to tell the reader when to breathe, when to anticipate, when to pause in thought.  But poetry has line breaks, and that is its own flow.  Punctuation, it seems to me, is often fighting with the line breaks to direct the flow, and it usually loses.  Sometimes, like the work above, I just throw up my hands and toss the majority of it out altogether.  So, while I wish I were being provocative like Cummings, the truth is more like I’m just being lazy.

Well, mostly.  I’m sort of telling you to let yourself be guided by the line breaks: the lack of punctuation and capitalization is just a way to say, hang on to the flow of the individual lines, because there’s nothing else to hang on to.

The message of the piece is pretty obvious, because my poetry is not good enough to be subtle.  It’s just a brief musing on the human desire to assign meaning to things, even when they probably don’t mean much of anything.  But, more than anything, I’m just having some fun with language.  This is way more inventive with rhyme than I’m prone to; rhyming (or perhaps I should say attempting to rhyme) “implausible” with “draw it full” is way more ballsy than I normally am with poetry.  But, hey: you gotta take chances in life in order to find out what works and what doesn’t.  In this case, it probably doesn’t, but I’m glad I made the attempt in any case.

So I’m being a bit self-deprecative, obviously, but I guess I must be a little bit proud of it, or I wouldn’t have resurrected it after 5 years, and subjected it to public scrutiny here on the blog.  Or maybe I just ran out of time and didn’t have anything else to give you this week.  Either way, I hope you’ve enjoyed it.