Sunday, November 22, 2020

Isolation Report, Week #37

[You could also read the most recent report, or even start at the beginning.]


This week (I think—time is still a bit mushy here in quarantine land) Biden said he wouldn’t personally pursue prosecuting Trump’s crimes (to be fair, he did graciously allow that others might do so).  I 100% expected this, of course, but it still pisses me off.  Democrats always do this.  They try to take the high ground, and the Republicans eat their lunch.

There are two very important reasons which this more than a terrible decision: it’s just plain dumb.  The first reason is a strategic one.  The Republicans control over half of many of our government institutions, even though they represent far less than half the population.  In fact, the Republican party is now in third place, behind both Democrats and independents.  Part of that is because the Democrats suck, of course.  But the point is, being less than 30% of the country doesn’t keep them from controlling at least half of everything.  Why?  Well, they’re smarter than the Decmocrats, and they’re far more ruthless.  To have proof of crimes committed by a political opponent and not pursue prosecution for them?  There’s no universe in which Republicans would do this ... hell, they don’t even really need proof to pursue prosecution against opponents.  They sort of do it on principle.  And the problem is this: even if the Democrats decide that they don’t want to be as ruthless as the Repubs (although, counterpoint: how’s that working out for ya, Dems?), they at least have to be as smart.  Letting Trump leave the White House and doing nothing to address the many illegal acts he’s perpetrated is basically rolling over and showing your belly to the Republican party.  Do you imagine that they’re going to feel bad and just leave you alone?  ‘Cause, I’m here to tell you, they’re just going to disembowel you and leave you to rot.

But above and beyond the stupidity, there’s a bigger moral issue here.  Trump is a man who has never faced any consequences in his life.  Susan Collins of Maine (who managed to win her re-election bid despite this amazing bit of doublespeak) said that Trump’s impeachment taught him “a pretty big lesson”: yeah, and that lesson was, do whatever the fuck you want.  There are no consequences.  There were no consequences when you were mean to people, there were no consequences when you cheated people, there were no consequences when you dodged your military service, there were no consequences when you siphoned so much money off your businesses that even your casinos failed, and, now that you’ve taken graft and corruption and nepotism to a national scale, you know what?  Still no consequences.  But once you leave office ... then there will be no consequences, apparently.  Because that’s the American Way: petty criminals get locked up for years; really big criminals get supported by politicians using phrases like “too big to fail” and “we just want to move on.” Democrats, think carefully: is this really the message you want to send to people?  Do whatever you want, we don’t care, we just want to move on?

Don’t get me wrong: I’ve fully predicted this from the beginning.  Trump will never spend a single day in jail, and probably not even a single day in court (nearly an exact quote from a previous virus isolation report).  Still, this is one of those times when I’d be overjoyed to be proven wrong.  Prove me wrong, Dems.  I’m begging you.

Meanwhile, the virus is not still raging: it’s actually getting worse.  I envy you people that are experiencing a second or third wave: for us here it’s all one big wave ... we haven’t left the house for anything significant for the better part of a year, and I would be absolutely stunned if there is not a “virus isolation report week 52” in my not-too-distant future.  Oh, sure: there’s vaccines out there, but even the folks on television who are normally all about letting big pharma inject them with anything at all as long as it has the “V” word stamped on it are saying that maybe it would be a good idea to wait for some larger trials, for some studies for side effects, for some independent verification.  Because, you know, as deadly as this virus is, it isn’t the most deadly thing you could have in your body: it is still possible for the cure to be worse than the disease.  As much as I hate being stuck inside, I think I’ll personally wait for a pretty wide concensus on safety for anything I want to inject into my children.  And, unfortunately, that just takes time.  There’s only some much you can rush it before you just end up with untrustworthy results and you’re back where you started.  So, while multiple vaccines are certainly welcome news, it’s the beginning of the next phase of waiting, not the end.

So, we soldier on, isolated for Thanksgiving, isolated for Christmas, isolated for New Year’s—although, to be fair, we typically spend those holidays by ourselves anyway.  There are 5 of us (counting only the humans), and we’re plenty capable of generating sufficient family drama without inviting extended family to help with that.  There are some parties that we would normally attend that we likely won’t get to (unless perhaps there are some smaller versions within our personal social bubble), but not a whole lot will change.  But, I gotta tell you, I miss going to out to sit down in a restaurant.  I miss going to work and seeing my coworkers.  I miss playing hooky from work and sneaking off with my family to the occasional museum or zoo or aquarium.  I miss going to the comic book and gaming stores, and to the movies, as rare as that was for us even before the pandemic.  When I do go out, I look at the retail locations that have closed, and I realize that even once things are “back to normal,” they won’t be normal.  And I’m bummed.

But surviving.









Sunday, November 15, 2020

D&D and Me: Part 8 (Resurgence of the Game)


[This is the eighth post in a new series.  You may want to begin at the beginning.  Like all my series, it is not necessarily contiguous—that is, I don’t guarantee that the next post in the series will be next week.  Just that I will eventually finish it, someday.  Unless I get hit by a bus.]

[Last time, I talked about playing with my children in the long years between D&D 3e and its newest edition: 5e.]


Dungeons and Dragons is currently undergoing an explosion of popularity that, to many of us old-school D&D nerds, is nigh on incomprehensible.  There are many competing theories on why that is, but (as befits a believer in balance and paradox) I naturally believe that they’re all true at once.  That is, it’s not any one reason, but rather the confluence of all the factors that are fortuitously aligning right now.  And there’s a whole of reasons that people are putting out there, but I think we can discard some of the minor ones, and group all the rest into 3 broad categories.

When D&D was fresh and new, parents didn’t understand it, so they did what parents do with everything that their children start to become obsessed with: they blamed it for all their kids’ troubles.  Before it was D&D, it was heavy metal music, and before that it was television, and before that it was rock-and-roll, and before that it was comic books, and before that it was cars and motorcycles, and before that it was books.  After D&D’s time under the magnifying glass was done, parents moved on to blaming videogames and then just screens in general.  Of course most of us are smart enough to know that eventually there will come a time when parents will beg their kids to spend time with screens, just like we now beg our children to spend more time with the same books that our however-many-great-grandparents were told to “put that down and get your butt outside to play!” Much is made of the period of D&D history that, in retrospect, we refer to as “the Satanic Panic,” but honestly it was no different from anything else kids get obsessed with.

But the main thing to note here is that, while the parents were decrying the game and claiming it was a gateway to real witchcraft and demon worship, their kids were loving it, and finding that it opened the doorways into more imaginative worlds than anything else they’d experienced before.  And while perhaps only a small percentage of those children would grow up to become authors, and movie makers, and television show creators, enough kids were playing D&D that even a small percentage was significant.  Big reason #1 why D&D is enjoying this amazing resurgence of popularity right now is simply that right now is when the generation raised on D&D is hitting its creative peak.  They are producing The Big Bang Theory and Community and The Dresden Files and, most significantly, Stranger Things.  Even in shows where D&D just gets a casual mention (say, iZombie, where one episode has detective Babineaux going undercover into a D&D group to solve a murder, hating every second of being immersed in “this nerd shit”), these days that mention is almost always positive (e.g. Babineaux eventually finds himself addicted to the game and ends up playing it in several later episodes).  Major celebrities (like Vin Diesel and Stephen Colbert) have come out as fans, while some slightly lesser known folks (like Deborah Ann Woll and Matthew Lillard) are out-and-out starting to refocus their careers onto D&D playing and/or merchandising.  And this happened fairly quickly: less than 20 years ago, “playing D&D” was included on lists in women’s magazines of things to watch out for in a prospective mate.  But, over the past decade, D&D has begun to instill a measure of nerd cred that is hard to come by otherwise, and being a nerd—of any gender—is suddenly cool.  Why?  Primarily because the media portrayals of nerd-dom have changed, and that’s primarily because the nerds are now in charge of those media portrayals.

But let’s not overlook the impact of D&D 5e either.  4e was a failure: although neither Wizards of the Coast (owners of D&D) nor their parent company Hasbro, nor Paizo (publishers of Pathfinder) ever officially released sales numbers, it was an open secret, going by sales numbers that could be tracked (e.g. on Amazon) that Pathfinder was eating 4e’s lunch.  For the first time, even if only briefly, D&D was not the best selling TTRPG.  And Wizards knew it, and they knew they had to fix it, and they were not shy about it.  They completely stole Paizo’s idea of having a public playtest, and they set out to research what were the best parts of all the previous editions so they could Frankenstein them into one game.  Critics will say they succeeded, producing what many refer to “everyone’s second favorite edition of D&D.” But fans, on the other hand, will say they succeeded: D&D 5e is “just the best bits” from all the other editions (yes, even 4e), with all the annoying crap left behind.

Now, mostly when people talk about this, they’re talking about the rules.  And, sure: every edition has had some good rules, and plenty of stinkers, and having a ruleset that is only the best bits is pretty frigging awesome.  But there’s way more than just rules going on here.  First off, 4e was the first time that anyone producing a new D&D had tried to appeal to non-RPG players.  See, 2e was for all the people who liked 1e but thought it could be better, and 3e was for all the people who liked 2e but thought it could be better.  But producing a product that appeals to only that subsegment of your market that thinks your product could use some improvement will, by defintion, produce a smaller and smaller market segment for each edition.  At some point you gotta figure out how to bring in new players.  3e tried to do that, a little, by using the Open Gaming License to get all the former competitors to D&D to make content for D&D, and that worked, a bit.  4e tried to do it by incorporating many of the lessons that MMORPGs such as World of Warcraftwho, let’s be honest, pretty much owed their existence to D&D in the first place—were innovating on, such as roles within the party (tank, striker, controller, leader), balancing factors such as DPS1 and healing, etc.  This was far bolder, but it had significant downsides: the existing players who didn’t care for MMORPGs certainly weren’t attracted, and D&D was never going to be a better MMORPG than an actual MMORPG, so even the MMORPG fans were limited in their enthusiasm.  But 5e took a different approach: stop trying to make D&D something different ... just make it friggin’ easier to learn.  The biggest barrier to starting to play D&D is not what the game is: what the game is is a fantasy world where you are the hero and you can do (or at least attempt) any action you can imagine.  That pretty much sells itself.  No, the barrier to starting to play D&D is the baroque ruleset.  Oh, sure: it’s complex for very good reasons—it’s attempting to model all of a reality, and it’s a reality that has to include magic and dragons and all sorts of stuff physics can just ignore—but the D&D newbie doesn’t care about all that.  They just care that trying to figure out how to play this stupid game involves reading hundreds of pages of rules and more math than they’ve had to deal with since high school.  5e made all that much simpler.  Now, don’t get me wrong: 5e is not a simple game, by any means ... compared to sitting down to learn the rules of Sorry! or even Monopoly, D&D requires way more mental load.  But it’s much simpler than ever before, and that’s significant.

And one more really important thing about the new edition of D&D: for the first time, there was an openly gay man in the lead designer spot.  And, in my opinion, that’s the main reason that D&D has become so much more inclusive.  Gone are the chainmail bikinis and outright topless female monsters.  Gone are assumptions that all PCs will be male, or even either male or female.  NPCs are protrayed as male, female, non-binary, straight, gay, trans, bi, and asexual.  Racial representation has come a long way as well, although certainly there’s still more progress to be made there.  But for the first time a new edition of D&D didn’t just welcome in straight white dudes: it welcomed everyone.

The final big reason that D&D has become a cultural phenomenon in recent years—and many would argue the most important one—is the rise of Internet streaming.  YouTube, Twitch, podcasts ... suddenly it’s easier than ever for anyone to put out some sort of media of them doing things they like and other people with similar interests can find them.  More importantly, people can now discover new interests by watching or listening to things online.  This has led to an explosion of all sorts of things: my little girl doesn’t dig the idea of wearing make-up because anyone in her family taught her about make-up: she’s fascinated by it because she watches make-up tutorials on YouTube.  Do you want to watch videos of people making up weird dances?  You can do that.  Do you want to watch videos of people making bad “puppet” shows by just moving their stuffed animals around and making them talk?  No problem.  And, if you want to watch videos of people playing games, you have an amazing plethora of choices.

Now, I have to admit that I’ve always felt that watching other people have fun playing games was kind of stupid.  Why would I watch someone play a videogame, let’s say, when I could just play the damned game myself?  But of course, by that logic, the entire sports industry becomes meaningless: there’s literally a multi-billion-dollar business in having people play games so other people will watch them.  But I think the sports analogy is actually kind of instructive here: sure, watching an NBA game can be pretty damned exciting, but that doesn’t mean that watching any random game of people playing basketball will be fun.  There are many factors to consider: the talent of the players, the production value of the presentation, the knowledge of the commentators, and so on.  And so, eventually, I came to realize that I didn’t actually not like watching all people play videogames, I just didn’t like watching most people play videogames.  And the person who changed it all for me was Jacksepticeye.  I happened to wander through the room when one of my kids was watching him play ... hell, I don’t even remember what game it was, but the guy was hilarious.  He wasn’t trying to make me love the game, he wasn’t trying to make fun of the game, he wasn’t trying to do some artsy or clever commentary on the game: he was just playing the game, and having fun, and being damned entertaining while doing it.  Since then, I’ve found a few other “let’s play”2 YouTubers who are pretty good, though I suspect Jacksepticeye may still be the best.

And, at some point, it naturally occurred to me that, if I could enjoy watching someone else play a videogame, when I don’t even like videogames all that much, surely I could enjoy watching someone play D&D, which I absolutely adore.  And, as it happens, there are a lot of choices out there, just like there are a lot of choices for the videogame genre.  In fact, the whole streaming thing (both for D&D and every other topic) has a major downside of making it so easy for people to create content that, at this point, it can be very difficult to pick out the gems from all the dross.  But there really are some gems out there, let me tell you.  For best all around video production plus some amazing acting, I think the prize has to go to Relics and Rarities; if you prefer your streaming in podcast form, it’s really tough to beat the OG Adventure Zone.  But of course the elephant in the room is Critical Role.

If you’re not familiar with Crtical Role, it’s a bit difficult to describe just how big it is.  It’s natural for us to think that, if we’ve never heard of a thing before, it can’t be but so big ... right?  Let me see if I can illustrate why you’re wrong about that with 2 little anecdotes.

D&D has become so popular lately that it’s very common for the D&D Player’s Handbook3 to be Amazon’s #1 best seller in not only the “fantay roleplaying books” category, but even in the entire “fantasy books” category, at least for short stints.  And this has happened several times through the past few years.  Well, just before the pandemic really got under way this year, the D&D folks and the Critical Role folks got together to produce what’s called a “campaign setting” for the current season of Critical Role.4  For some period of time earlier this year, the Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount was not the best selling book in fantasy roleplaying, nor even the best selling book in fantasy: it was the best selling book on all of Amazon.  Period.  Before it was even released.  How can that be, you wonder?  How can there be more people buying Critical Role D&D books than buying D&D itself?  Because Critial Role has gained an appeal far beyond just D&D players, and even far beyond just this country.  The CR cast members have done conventions, with or without live shows, in LA, New York, Chicago, Indianapolis, Austin, San Diego, the UK, Australia, Sweden, and many more, and everywhere they go, they draw a huge crowd.

Okay, last little Critical Role story.  The first season of Critical Role ended when everyone’s character got all the way to 20th level; they’d been playing for about 5 years at that point (the last half of that online) and were ready to start over with new characters.  But they thought they still had more stories to tell about their original characters: after all, what about those first 2½ years before the stream started?  Surely fans would love to hear some of those stories.  Since the CR cast is composed entirely of professional voice actors, it only seemed natural to do it in animated form: they’d hire an animation studio, voice all their own characters, maybe hire some of their other voice actor friends to chip in too ... it would be amazing.  But no studio was interested in such a thing: make a show out of your home D&D game?  Crazy talk!  So CR did what all creators in that situation do these days: they went to Kickstarter.  Just to fund a one hour special, they figured they needed $750K—animation is expensive!—and they figured it was a big ask, but, hey: if things went well, maybe they could do a sequel.  So they notified all their fans to be ready and they put up a 45-day Kickstarter campaign to raise ¾ of a million dollars.  They hit their goal in under 45 minutes.  They blew through every stretch goal they’d thought of ahead of time in the first 24 hours.  The one-shot special turned into a 12-episode series, which would eventually be picked up by Amazon and is already greenlit for season 2.  Because, you see, by the time the 45 days were over, they had raised over eleven million dollars, making them then (and still, I believe) the highest-grossing campgaign in Kickstarter history for the entertainment category.5  Suddenly this little D&D-based company was being interviewed not just by Wired and Syfy, but by Forbes and Fortune.  This is what streaming has done for the hobby.

And all these things helped reignite my personal spark as well: I was excited to try out the new edition, I was encouraged by all the new postive media portrayals, and I got really sucked in to a number of these streaming D&D shows, including all the ones I mentioned above, plus several others.  They’re not all great, by any means, but the ones that are great are just astounding.  I have always believed that roleplaying is storytelling, and here’s a huge crop of people playing a new edition of the game who all believe it too ... and better yet, are using the hobby as a brand new medium to tell some exciting new stories.



Next time we’ll examine the origins and inspirations of the Family Campaign, which will take us right up to the present day.



__________

1 That’s “damage per second,” if you don’t speak MMORPG.

2 For some reason, videos where you watch other people play games, especially videogames, are called “let’s play” videos.  Still not sure what the origin of this curious phrase is.

3 That’s the most important rulebook—the one that every player needs.  Most of the other books only the DM needs.

4 A campaign setting is a description of a fantasy world so that you can set your D&D games in that world.  Most D&D campaign settings are worlds original to D&D, but it’s not unheard of to take an existing property and turn it into a D&D setting.  For instance, Lankhmar.

5 Which record they took from the MST3K reboot, who in turn took it from the Veronica Mars movie.











Sunday, November 8, 2020

Isolation Report, Week #35

[You could also read the most recent report, or even start at the beginning.]


Well, election day here in the US is finally behind us.  It was quite a stressful time, even though things played out almost exactly as was predicted.  Oh, sure, people are belly-aching about the polls being wrong, but all the polls said was that there was a 90% chance that Biden would win, and he did.  The polls never claimed it wouldn’t be a close race.  We read that into the polls.  We humans are shitty at understanding probabilities, and somehow we imagine that 90% means it’ll be a walk in the park, when all it really means is that, if you do it 10 times, you’ll only lose once.  And everything else was spot on: that the count would take several days to complete, that we wouldn’t know the winner right away or for days, that Trump would be ahead on the night of, and that Biden would close the gap as more and more mail-in ballots were counted.  All of that happened exactly like pretty much everyone said it would ... but, I gotta tell ya: there’s a big difference between intellectually accepting those things to be true and living through them.  Even though every single event happened exactly as predicted, we still sat around biting our nails, unsure of how it would all come out.  Blame 2016 for that: our capacity to dare to hope has been severely curtailed.  But now that phase is over: Biden won the popular vote, as almost everyone knew he would, and he even won the electoral college, as most said he would, but it was a nail-biter all the same.  Next up: can he win all the court cases?  And, assuming he does so, can he successfully evict Trump from the White House?  Neither of those is assured, although I think he has a pretty good shot at the second one if he can manage the first.

Trump (and/or his people) have done an amazing job of setting up the Supreme Court to support him in whatever cockamamie case he brings to have the election overturned.  Right now there are 6 conservative justices and only 3 liberal ones (and all the moderates have been skillfully excised).  If such a case comes before the current court, I think we can absolutely count on the 3 liberals (Breyer, Sotomayor, and Kagan) to vote against such a thing, and I think we can count on the two most recent Trump disasters—being, as they are, utterly unqualified to do much of anything else—to vote for him, and we can probably also throw in Thomas, who never met an argument he couldn’t settle in favor of the most right-leaning option he could find.  That leaves Chief Justice Roberts, Alito, and Gorsuch (the first Trump nomination).  Two of those three would have to vote to do the right thing, and, while all 3 are conservative, all 3 are also known for breaking ranks on some important issues: none of them are puppets, in other words.  So there’s a decent shot.

Then the trick will be to attempt to undo all the damage that Trump has caused, and I’m of mixed emotions about the ability of Biden and his team to accompllish that.  In case I’ve not been clear, I’m mostly liberal, and almost entirely progressive, but I am not a Democrat.  The Democrats are exactly half of what’s wrong with the American political system, and I have very little faith in their desire to effect real change, much less their ability to do so.  It’s looking more and more like they will not have the Senate on their side to do that either, and that makes it all the more up in the air.  Best case scenario we end up with a perfectly split Senate, which means Kamala gets to cast any tie-breaking votes, but that’s only if everyone votes along strict party lines, which, you know, they don’t, always.  There are several Democrats who are way more conservative than the majority, and a few Republicans who are more liberal than the majority.  One senator could conceivably hold up legislation for everyone if they demand something extra for their state, or just need to get their ego stroked.

So it’s by no means a sure thing that anythihng useful (much less exciting) will get done.  But at least it (probably) won’t get worse, which is the main thing I feared from a Trump re-election.  I said in a Facebook post, and I will repeat it here: people crying doom and destruction over Biden becoming president are only guessing at what he’ll do, or in some cases (but not that many) assuming that he will do what he says he will.  In neither case are they likely correct.  On the other hand, we already seen what Trump will do.  The damage is pretty bad: the environment has suffered setbacks that my children will have to deal with for years, the education system, park system, and post office will likely take years if not decades to recover, and, mostly significantly, the Supreme Court is now poised to take away my children’s rights to reproductive freedom, marriage equality, and employment protections.  These are not things I think Trump may do ... this is what he’s done thus far.  And, with Bill Barr behind him, telling him that Article II of the Constitution says he can do whatever he likes, it’s not like it would have gotten any better.  So I’m happy Trump lost and probably—hopefully—won’t be President again, but I can’t say I’m all that thrilled that Biden won.

My birthday was two days after election day, and my father called me supposedly to wish me a happy birthday.  But mostly just to yell at me for supporting the socialist takeover of our country.  The most amusing part of the call was when he called me out for not knowing what the Democratic platform was.  I responded by asking him if he knew what the Republican platform was.  “We’re not talking about the Republicans!” he hedged.

Of course, it’s not particularly surprising that my father knew the Democratic platform but not the Republican one, nor that I knew the Republican one but not the Democratic one.  Because my father didn’t really vote for Trump (who he describes as “an idiot”): he was just voting against Biden.  Likewise, I was voting against Trump (naturally), but I didn’t even have to vote for Biden: since I live in California, I had the luxury of voting for whoever I thought would actually do the best job.  I voted for the Green Party candidate, whose name I didn’t even know before I received my ballot (and didn’t bother to retain after filling it in).  I considered the Libertarian fellow as well, but I actually did read the platforms of all the third party candidates, and the Green Party sounded the most like my own views, so that’s who I voted for.  Of course, the majority of Americans think that a vote for anything other than a Democrat or a Republican is a “wasted vote” ... the Democrats and Republicans have worked together quite effectively to make us all believe that.  And, since we all believe it, it’s true.  So, if I lived in Ohio or Florida or Pennsylvania or Michigan, I would likely have a much tougher choice, but there are some advantages to living in a state where the color on the news maps is known well before the election even starts.  So my father and I voted against rather than voting for, and that’s fine.

My dad tried to explain to me why electing Biden was so bad.  But, other than the obvious assertion that he might die and then “that woman” would be President (oh, the horror!), the best he could come up with was that Biden was going to get rid of the oil companies.  This, of course, is hilarious for a number of reasons:
  • It presumes that I believe Biden has enough balls to actually try to take on the oil industry, which I absolutely do not.
  • It presumes that, even if he wanted to, he would somehow, as President, have the power to abolish the oil industry, which of course he would not.
  • Most ridiculously of all, it presumes that I would have some sort of problem with getting rid of the oil industry.  Being as they are responsible for raking in billions of dollars in profts while paying no taxes (often actually receiving money from the government instead), that they are the primary polluters of the planet, and that they have worked tirelessly to retard our growth into more energy efficient industries (such as by killing the electric car), I would be more likely to dance on the oil industry’s grave than mourn its passing.  But somehow my father missed this memo.

But of course mostly that’s just a smokescreen for my father’s fear that a strong, liberal black woman from California (which is at least four strikes against her in his book) might be President someday.  I sincerely doubt he’s alone in this viewpoint either.  The racists (and sexists, and homophobes, and xenophobes—my father is all of those and more) have been much more comfortable showing themselves over the last 4 years, and I’m sure they’re not looking forward to having to crawl back into their holes again.  Many of them won’t.  And, I know that eventually most of these idiots will die and their minority will actually be small enough to ignore, finally, but it seems to be taking a really long time, and I’m sort of losing my patience.

If Biden does step down for health reasons at some point, Kamala becoming President could be quite a good thing.  I certainly have more faith in her than him for at least trying to get some big changes accomplished.  But I’m not holding my breath.  For the most part, things will go on as they always have ... well, as they used to back in the days before Trump anyway.  Sadly, right now that seems pretty nice.  I hope that doesn’t continue to be the case, because “business as usual” was already pretty shitty, as the continuing instances of police brutality continue to demonstrate, in shocking and tragic ways.  But I guess I can be happy that, while I’m not holding my breath for any real change, I’m no longer holding my breath that we might descend into further chaos either.  It was not particularly pleasant having to hold one’s breath from Tuesday until Saturday, but at least now it’s over.

Probably.









Sunday, November 1, 2020

Bleeding Salvador II


"Happy and Dopey and Dirty in Places"

[This is one post in a series about my music mixes.  The series list has links to all posts in the series and also definitions of many of the terms I use.  You may wish to read the introduction for more background.  You may also want to check out the first volume in this multi-volume mix for more info on its theme.

Like all my series, it is not necessarily contiguous—that is, I don’t guarantee that the next post in the series will be next week.  Just that I will eventually finish it, someday.  Unless I get hit by a bus.]


Sometimes second volumes are just part two of the initial mix development of the mix, when I just had way too many ideas to all fit on one volume.1  Sometimes the first volume was going to be the only volume, so volume II is breaking all new ground.2  Of course, sometimes a mix is right in the middle: with Bleeding Salvador, I had a few tracks left over after volume I, but certainly not enough to make a whole volume II.  So it took a while to accumulate more great tracks with weird, surreal lyrics, but I finally got there.

Returning artists from last volume include the Beautiful South, whose “Woman in the Wall” was our original mix starter, the Cramps, and They Might Be Giants.  The Beautiful South returns with “From Under the Covers,” a lighter tune but still with some great imagery; the Cramps’ “Human Fly” isn’t quite the powerhouse “Goo Goo Muck” was, but still some great lines—e.g. “I got 96 tears in 96 eyes”—and TMBG once again gives us two great tracks: “Boat of Car” and “Nothing’s Gonna Change My Clothes.” They’re both short, so I figured you could handle two.  Especially when they contain such gems as this:

All the people are so happy now
Their heads are cavin’ in;
I’m glad they are a snowman with
Protective rubber skin.

And of course King Missile’s “Part Two” was always going to appear here; the joke on The Way to Salvation was that half the story of “The Boy Who Ate Lasagna and Could Jump Over a Church” appeared on side 1, and you had to wait till side 2 to hear the conclusion.  But I went a step farther and made you wait till volume II to get it.

I felt it very appropriate to kick off this volume of surreal lyrics with perhaps the greatest WTF song of all time: “Hotel California,” by the Eagles.3  The individual members of the Eagles have been asked many times over the past nearly-fifty years what the lyrics of this song actually mean, but all the answers can probably be boiled down to “we were on a lot of drugs back then.” Drugs were likely a factor in our closer as well, although to imagine that Jim Morrison was no more than the sum of all the drugs he consumed would be dangerously short-sighted in my view.  Both “Hotel California” and “Riders on the Storm” have been subject to all sorts of interpretations throughout the years, and they illustrate some of the best characteristics that surreal lyrics can offer.  Different people will always get different things out of them, and be convinced that they “definitely” mean this or that, but you can also just turn your brain off and enjoy them thoroughly without trying to figure them out.

Continuing through the seventies, “The Fat Lady of Limbourg” was pretty damned weird when Brian Eno included it on his second solo album in 1974.4  Shivaree’s version, coming along some 30-odd years later, is both less and more strange simultaneously, being a bit more melodic, but also throwing in more random sound effects and giving the whole thing even more of a patina of Twilight Zone (aided immensely by Eno’s lyrics, of course).  A 70s original, Squeeze’s “Cool for Cats” is just an exercise in double entendre and other clever language.  Sung by Chris Difford5 in full cockney accent, the lyrics are full of allusions to rhyming slang, old English TV shows, and other Londonisms; it’s probably only truly surreal for us Americans.

Our volume title also comes from the seventies: specifically, 1979, when half of the remnants of 10cc, now renamed Godley & Creme, put out their third studio album, including the ultra-weird opener “An Englishman in New York.”6  I know of no other song which so thoroughly embodies the classic line from Rosencranz and Guildenstern Are Dead: “half of what he said meant something else, and the other half didn’t mean anything at all.” Is there deeper meaning in Godley’s disturbingly detailed description of a “crucifix clock” in which “two miniature Romans, running on rails, appear every hour and bang in the nails”? how about ”‘Ode to a Burger’ by Keats at his worst”? or “shhh, Howard Johnson is moving his bowels”?  Much like the volume title, most of this song seems like it must mean ... something.  But, what that might be, you really have no idea.

As for other obvious candidates, I’ve always had a soft spot for Michael Penn’s “Brave New World” ever since I first heard it (mostly likely on the Saturday Night Live episode that his brother Sean was hosting).  Besides containing great, bizarre lyrics like this:

Buster and his company look good in black;
They’re looking for a way out of the cul-de-sac:
Tearing through the phone book and the almanac,
They all have dusty noses ’cause they sniff shellack.

it also appeals to the poetry nerd in me for the feat of rhyming across the bridges.7  R.E.M.‘s “Swan Swan H” was another obvious choice, starting as it does with “Swan, swan, humminbird, hurrah.  We are all free now.  What noisy cats are we.”8  Jane’s Addiction is another band who often uses challenging imagery, though often it’s so buried in hard rockin’ tunes that you don’t notice.  I’ve always loved the spare, stripped-down sound of “Summertime Rolls,” where the opening imagery of falling into a “sea of grass” while children run over you is particularly evocative (another great line is “her nose is painted pepper sunlight”).  I even stole the grass image for a story I wrote once.9  Other personal favorites that just had to end up here include “The Morning” by the Call (“I am standing at the edge of my mind; if I look in, I might fall in”) and “Stuart” by the Dead Milkmen (“Jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo stick! Everybody knows the burrow owl lives in a hole in the ground! Why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl, anyway!?”).  The former is a convoluted song of longing; the latter is a sometimes difficult look at small-minded small-town intolerance that still manages to be funny at times.



Bleeding Salvador II
[ Happy and Dopey and Dirty in Places ]


“Hotel California” by Eagles, off Hotel California
“The Fat Lady of Limbourg” by Shivaree, off Who's Got Trouble?
“Boat of Car” by They Might Be Giants, off They Might Be Giants
“From Under the Covers” by the Beautiful South, off Welcome to the Beautiful South
“An Englishman in New York” by Godley & Creme [Single]
“Cool for Cats” by Squeeze, off Singles: 45's and Under [Compilation]
“The Morning” by the Call, off Reconciled
“Brave New World” by Michael Penn, off March
“Part Two” by King Missile, off The Way to Salvation
“Human Fly” by the Cramps, off Bad Music for Bad People [Compilation]
“Summertime Rolls” by Jane's Addiction, off Nothing's Shocking
“Swan Swan H” by R.E.M., off Lifes Rich Pageant
“Pagan Angel and a Borrowed Car” by Iron & Wine, off The Shepherd's Dog
“Nothing's Gonna Change My Clothes” by They Might Be Giants, off They Might Be Giants
“JD” by Mocean Worker, off Candygram for Mowo!
“Magic Alex” by the Red Sea Pedestrians, off See Through the Eyes of Osiris!
“Stuart” by the Dead Milkmen, off Beelzebubba
“Harvey” by the Electric Swing Circus, off The Electric Swing Circus
“Riders on the Storm” by the Doors, off L.A. Woman
Total:  19 tracks,  73:03



It’s probably not too much of a stretch to imagine we’d eventually see Iron & Wine here.  When we first saw him on Slithy Toves I, I pointed out that nearly all his songs have quite surreal lyrics; when he resurfaced on Slithy Toves II, I talked about his “juggernaut heart.” Here he gives us a “Pagan Angel and a Borrowed Car,” where he reports “I was still a beggar, shaking out my coat among the angry cemetery leaves.” No clue what this one is about, but it’s a beautfiul track.

My all time favorite transition on this mix is from Mocean Worker’s sort-of instrumental “JD” (which just barely missed being slotted onto Cantosphere Eversion) to “Magic Alex” by the Red Sea Pedestrians.  We first saw Mocean Worker (remember: “Mocean” rhymes with “ocean,” thus making the name a pun for “motion worker”) on Salsatic Vibrato V, where I pointed out that it was the moniker of the son of a jazz producer; the father’s initials are “JD,” which I suppose might be a coincidence, but then again probably not.  There aren’t really enough discernible words here to figure out what MW is trying to tell us, but it’s a trippy little bridge nonetheless.  And it flows surprisingly well into alt-klezmer folksters RSP, who here bring us a departure in “Magic Alex,” who they describe as “the Greek wizard of electric paint” and “a real rock gardener, the son of the secret police.” Of course, to be fair, this album (See Through the Eyes of Osiris!) is pretty much a departure from the more straight-ahead-folk of A Lesson in Cartography, which I discovered while searching for updated versions of “Willie the Weeper.”10  But “Magic Alex,” with its electronic, almost sci-fi, sound effects, is a departure from the departure.

Finally, the most unexpected track here is probably from the Electric Swing Circus, a band I discovered while searching for new (to me) electro-swing for Salsatic Vibrato.11  So it doesn’t seem like they’d be a particularly good fit here, and honestly most of their output isn’t.  But then there’s ... “Harvey.”

If you ask people what the best classic black & white movie of all time is, I’m sure you’ll hear a lot of votes for Casablanca and Citizen Kane, and perhaps a few suggestions of African Queen or Rebecca or The Maltese Falcon or Psycho.  But, for me, it is and will always be Harvey.  Jimmy Stewart is certainly a talented actor, and you may prefer It’s a Wonderful Life or Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, but for me, those all pale in comparison to Harvey.  Stewart has a mischeivous side that was rarely allowed full reign, but it gets just that in this lovely movie about a man who most consider simple, because he believes he’s constantly being accompanied by a 6’3” invisible rabbit.  The movie is named after the rabbit, not Stewart’s character, and that is significant.  The movie is heartwarming and funny and says a lot about how the “normal” people have a lot to learn from this eccentric man-child and his “imaginary” friend.  Now, there’s actually no indisputable evidence that ESC’s “Harvey” refers to the movie (or perhaps to the play on which it was based), but the fact that Harvey is referred to as a pooka and this beautiful refrain:

So, here’s to you, Harvey,
The weaver of dreams,
The stopper of clocks, the unpicker of seams.
Raise a glass to old Harvey,
Look him straight in the eye:
If you say you can’t see him, you’re living a lie lie lie ...

make it very clear, at least to me.  The idea of an overgrown invisible rabbit as the weaver of dreams, the stopper of clocks, and the unpicker of seams makes real an abstract magick in my brain that makes me relive my enjoyment of this classic film every time I hear it.


Next time we’ll return to the intersection of my music interests and my gaming interests.



Bleeding Salvador III




__________

1 Prime examples of this would be Smokelit Flashback II and Salsatic Vibrato II.

2 We just saw an example of this last time in this series, with Wisty Mysteria II.

3 It almost made it on volume I, actually, but I felt it would have a bigger impact as the opener to a new volume.

4 This would be post-Roxy-Music, but pre-inventing-ambient.

5 One of only 3 Squeeze singles he sang, as it happens.

6 Not to be confused with the Sting song of the same name; Godley & Creme’s predates Sting’s by nearly a decade.

7 By which I mean, there are 3 verses and 3 bridges, and the first lines of every bridge rhyme with each other, but not with any other lines in the song.

8 And also being from the best R.E.M. album of all time, Lifes Rich Pageant.

9 Another fun fact: I once wrote an English paper in college contrasting the organic imagery and playing with grammar that Farrell and Stipe did in their music.

10 For the record, RSP’s version is pretty damned good.

11 As of this writing, we’re one volume away from seeing ESC on that mix, but we shall get there in the fullness of time, I’m sure.











Sunday, October 25, 2020

Isolation Report, Week #33

[You could also read the most recent report, or even start at the beginning.]


Another two weeks gone in this seemingly endless pandemic, but of course it still doesn’t feel like we’re any closer to ... anything.  Honestly, even though the election will be done in another two weeks, it doesn’t feel like much of an accomplishment.  In the first place, two weeks these days can easily last two years, and, in the second place, the chances that we actually know who’s won on Election Night are so fucking slim that it doesn’t matter anyway.  I don’t give a shit: I’ve already voted.  It’s all waiting to see how it comes out in the wash for me at this point.

Today, I’ll give you thoughts on two things, one political, and one personal.  First, the political.

I’ve mostly been trying to ignore the whole Amy Coney Barrett thing: she’s going to get on the court no matter what happens in the hearings, so what’s the point in following them?  But I couldn’t help but hear about the moment where (Republican) John Cornyn asked her what she had been referring to during the hearing and she held up a blank notepad (to which Cornyn replied “impressive” ... because, you know, it takes a lot of effort to write nothing on a piece of paper).  This has been a source of many jokes, from both political camps: an unknown conservative described the blank page as a “list of Joe Biden’s accomplishments,” while comedian Kathy Griffin said it represented a “picture of his [Trump’s] brain scan.” What I haven’t heard anyone point out, though, is that a blank page is actually the perfect inspiration for Barrett’s “testimony”: it reminded her to keep her experssion entirely blank, her voice entirely neutral, and her statements entirely devoid of content.

And, honestly, it’s not even fair to pick on Barrett: any liberal judge in her position would do (as has done) the same.  Judges are full of opinions—it’s their fucking job description, for fuck’s sake—until you put them in front of Congress, and then all of a sudden they have no viewpoints on anything whatsoever.  There’s a metric shit-ton of “it wouldn’t be fair of me to talk about a case I might adjudicate one day” and “I have to keep an open mind until I hear the facts of such a case” and many other such empty platitudes.  So, if the point of Senate confirmation hearings is not to hear a judge’s opinions on the law, what the hell is the fucking point, anyway?

And we don’t have to stop there.  Over the past 4 years, we’ve seen and heard a whole fuck-ton of people “testifying” before Congress, and magically none of them remember any details about the stuff they’re supposed to be experts on, or the stuff they actually did themselves.  Sessions has appeared before Congress, and Dejoy has appeared before Congress, and Barr has appeared before Congress, and DeVos has appeared before Congress, and Mueller has appeared before Congress, and Zuckerberg has appeared before Congress, and can anyone name one single thing that has changed because of it?  It’s all pure theater at this point.

And then of course we have the debates ... it’s a fun little time where two people refuse to answer the questions they were actually asked or follow any of the “rules” set forth at the beginning.  At the end of the allotted time, you know absolutely nothing that you didn’t know going in, and all the “analysis” is centered around who flubbed a word or had a fucking fly on their head.  Let me be clear: the Democrats are not any better than the Republicans here.  I’ve often said that all answers in a debate—or even your average press conference—can be classified as one of 3 animals: a duck, a weasel, or a dead horse.  West Wing often gets accused of being “liberal porn,” but part of the reason it was so good was that even the Republicans on that show were better than the Democrats we have in real life.  Remember the episode in season 7 where Alan Alda’s character got his (Republican) campaign back on track by holding a press conference with the radical idea of just fucking answering all the reporters’ questions until they couldn’t think of any more?  When have you ever seen that done in real life?  Yeah, me neither.  And they wonder why we’d rather live in televsion land than in real life.

For the personal thing, I’ll let you know that this week I had my first, and quite possibly my only, colonoscopy.  I’ve told everyone I can think of that, if a doctor ever comes to me and says “you have to get another colonoscopy or you might die” I’m going to reply “let me think about it.” (And so I apologize if you’re one of the folks that had to hear that bon mot more than once.)  Now, if you don’t know what a colonoscopy is, it’s where they jam a camera on a tube up your ass and see how far they can get it up there, taking pictures and whatnot as they go.  Now that sounds horrifying, but the truth is that they knock you out completely for this whole thing, so you don’t actually feel anything.  You just go to sleep, and then you wake up, and you’re a bit bloated because you’ve had some extra air injected into your guts, but basically it’s like nothing happened.

So why do I say I’ll never do it again?  Well, those of you who’ve had this procedure before already know the answer: it’s the prep.  See, the day before, you can’t have any solid food.  Which is not great, but not terrible either.  I mean, you can still have water, and coffee or tea, and fruit juice.  I mean, no milk or cream in your coffee or tea, and no pulpy fruit juice, just clear stuff like apple or white grape, but that’s not bad.  And you can have chicken broth, which is not super filling, but better than nothing.  And you can have Jello and popsicles and sports drinks like Gatorade or VitaminWater, but certain colors are out (presumably because of the dyes): no red, no blue, no green, no purple.  Now, one of the (many) medical people I talked to in preparation for this preparation described this as “only leaving the crappy flavors.” But, as it happens, I love orange, as a flavor at least, so drinking orange Vitaminwater and “eating” orange Jello all day was just fine by me (orange popsicles, as it turns out, were not as yummy as my nostalgia had portrayed them).  So, still: not great, but not awful either.  Then there’s the medicine.

The first problem with the medicine is that someone decided that it was so disgusting that they needed to make it taste like fruit.  Unfortunately, this just makes it taste like disgusting fruit, which is still not great.  You have to mix it yourself, and then you have to drink it, slowly, but finish all 16 ounces within 30 minutes.  Slightly oxymoronic, but okay.  And you do this 3 times over the course of the day.  And the function of this medicine is to make you shit your guts out.  Because, you know: they don’t want any yucky stuff on their nice camera that they’re going to jam up your ass.  So they want you to get it all out.  All of it.  So, fine: spending more time on the toilet than not for roughly 7 hours is not my idea of a fun time, but, you know what?  We have technology for that now.  My kids spend 7 hours on the toilet all the time: you just need a phone or a tablet or what-have-you and you’re set.  But here’s the problem: after a while, you’re done.  There is literally nothing more to expel.  Except you’re still drinking this nasty-tasting shit, which somehow manages to come out exaclty as fast as it went in, and it’s all so violent and ... I dunno, repetitive.  And you know how you get when you have diarrhea for even just an hour and you start trying to raid your kids’ diaper ointment?  Yeah, multiply that by 7.  A fun time, it was not.

On the other hand, I now know that I do not have any polyps, cancerous or otherwise, that I do have diverticula, which are the breeding ground for diverticulitis, and I have some lovely pictures of the inside of my guts.  I thought about sharing them with you, but my family discouraged me.  They seemed to think you wouldn’t find them as fascinating as I do.  Ah, well: your loss.

In any event, my next virus isolation report will be from the far side of the election, so perhaps things will look better then.  But, given 2020 thus far, I shall not be holding my breath.









Sunday, October 18, 2020

Saladosity, Part 16: Mexican

[This is the sixteenth post in a long series.  You may wish to start at the beginning.  Like all my series, it is not necessarily contiguous—that is, I don’t guarantee that the next post in the series will be next week.  Just that I will eventually finish it, someday.  Unless I get hit by a bus.]


(If you need a refresher about my salad-making lingo, go back and review our first salad.)

This is one of my all-time favorite salads.  It’s a little more of a pain to make, and I hadn’t made it in quite a while for that reason, but I returned to it recently and I fell in love all over again.  Admittedly I took a little shortcut this last time around, but I’ll point that out to you when we get there so that you can take it too, if you like.

The Protein

You have all sorts of options for protein here.  If you really want meat, your all-time best choice is whatever leftover taco meat you have from last night.  If you’re not prone to having any leftovers in that area, you might try taking a leftover chicken breast, dicing up part of it, applying a bit of taco seasoning (or chili powder, in a pinch), and heating it up for just a few seconds in the microwave.  If you’re really desperate and you simply must have meat, substitute canned chicken for the leftover chicken breast.

But you know what I’ve discovered?  It’s perfectly lovely without any meat at all.  Just use pistachios.  Now, you may say “but wait! pistachios aren’t Mexican!” No, in fact, pistachios are from the Middle East.  But they really do work here.  I don’t know that I can tell you why ... you’re just going to have to trust me on this one.  I will use leftover taco meat if it’s handy, and I’ve done the chicken thing a couple of times, but, honestly: pistachios are pretty damned good.  Sometimes better than meat.

Plus, you know, if you happen to subscribe to a vegetarian flavor of nutritional tribes, you don’t want the meat anyhow.  For paleo flavors, cashews are perfect.  I think the only reason to avoid the cashews would be if you’re allergic to them.  If so, first of all my condolences, but secondly, try the chicken.  It’s also a good call.

The Cheese

Obviously you want the shredded Mexican cheese blend that we talked about when we went shopping for meat and cheese.  If you’re being strict about the paleo and avoiding the dairy, you can omit the cheese and you won’t miss too much.  But I think it’s better with.

The Crunch

The go-to here would of course be crushed up tortilla chips.  But, whether Atkins or Whole30 or even Weight Watchers, corn chips are not considered an ideal choice for a healthy diet.  They’re grains, they’re carbs, and they add a decent chunk of calories.  So here’s where the plantain chips that we picked up when we went shopping for nuts come in.  Plantain chips are crappy for just eating straight out of the bag, but that should be considered a feature, not a bug.  What they’re great for is substituting:

  • They make excellent “crackers”: have them with some cheese, or dip them in guacamole or hummus.
  • They’re imperfect but surprisingly yummy nonetheless at playing the role of oats in granola.
  • They’re not too shoddy at faking as potato chips, at least for culinary purposes.  Like on top of casseroles that called for crushed chips.
  • They do a damned fine job as faux tortilla chips, if you crumble them up and put them on salads.

Just take a bag of plantain chips and beat it up a bit, then toss it into a zip-loc bag for maximum freshness.

The Dressing

What really gives this salad its kick is the guacamole dressing, and it is in fact the only salad where I’m going to recommend you use a “heavy” amount of dressing (which, remember, is defined as “more than you normally would”).  This dressing is so damn good, you’re just going to want a lot of it.

Now, the rough ingredients of the dressing are pretty basic: you need guacamole, sour cream, and some cilantro dressing.  The first two are pretty simple.

Remember that guacamole is one of the things we talked about when we went shopping for cold goods.  In our house, we’ve settled into a rhythm of buying those big boxes of Wholly Guacamole at Costco, tossing most of ’em into the freezer, and just rotating into the fridge as needed.  One container of that is the perfect amount for this dressing.  You could make guac fresh every time you wanted this salad ... but then you wouldn’t eat this salad that often, and that would be a shame.

Sour cream is sour cream.  One big spoonful should do it.  If you’re looking to avoid dairy, you could skip this part and it might be okay ... never tried it, personally.

The cilantro dressing is the only complicated part.  What I like to do when I’m feeling industrious is make my own.  Unlike having to make the guacamole part, this would something you do once a month or whatever, and then you just have it on hand every time.  I originally concocted my recipe (below) because my friendly neighborhood Trader Joe’s brand of cilantro dressing is heavy on the soybean oil, and I don’t like that.  Now, I’m going to be honest with you here: we’ve since discovered Primal, and they make a super yummy cilantro lime dressing—it’s not strictly Whole30 safe, but only because it contains (organic) honey, which ... c’mon: that’s a very small concession to make.  So use that if you don’t want to make your own.  But if you do want to try making it from scratch, just follow the directions below, and you won’t be disappointed.

Once you have the cilantro dressing, all you want to do is mix your guac and sour cream together in a bowl; it will be super-thick, so just drizzle in some cilantro dressing and stir, repeating until you get the consistency of a fairly thick dressing.  In my experience, if you get the consistency right, the taste will just automatically be perfect.

Cilantro Dressing

You’re going to need a food processor or blender for this one.  Pour in ⅓ of a cup of pepitas (those’re the roasted pumpkin seeds we bought when we went shopping for nuts), 2/3 of a cup of milk, ⅓ of a cup of oil (more on that in a sec), 2/4 of a cup of grated parmesan cheese, and ¼ of a cup of white wine vinegar.  (If you do it in the order I’ve suggested, and you do 2 ¼ cups for the parmesan instead of ½ cup, you’ll get by with only using 2 measuring cups and minimal mess.)

Which oil to use?  Well, use what you like, but I would try to avoid the “bad” oils like soybean, peanut, canola, or palm.  Avocado is amazing (that’s what Primal uses in theirs, for what it’s worth).  Grapeseed is also not bad.  I don’t think olive works well, taste-wise, but perhaps you feel differently.

Now add some chopped jalapeños.  I used to get them pre-chopped and canned from TJ’s, but then I started buying packages of fresh ones.  The fresh ones are more of pain, because you have to chop them yourself, and it is very easy to burn the crap out of yourself when learning to cut jalapeños, but eventually you get the hang of it, and one of those little packages of jalapeños is enough for 4 batches of this dressing (divie your choppped bits into 4 roughly equal piles, toss one in the blender, and freeze the other 3 for later).  But the canned is fine too.

Now you’re going to want to add about 5 cloves of garlic.  Feel free to substitute minced if you like; it’ll all end up that way in just a bit.

The last task of any complexity at all is to take a big bunch of cilantro (I typically use however much is in a Trader Joe’s pack of organic cilantro), separate out the stems, and toss the leaves in the blender.  We don’t need the stems for this recipe, but you can compost them, or perhaps you have an animal that might like them (our guinea pig always did).  Or, you know: just toss ’em.

Two heavy pinches of salt, 12 or so grinds of black pepper, and turn all that into a liquid.  Finally, remember that homemade mayo we made for our autumnal salad?  Make another batch, then immediately dump it into the blender.  This time, just pulse it a few times to mix it all together.  The resulting consistency should be a nice, viscous-but-not-thick liquid, which is perfect for some salads all on its own.  Also perfect for thinning out guacamole dressing while adding a whole bunch of flavor.


Mexican salad

Once again, you’re ready, and it’s just assembly.

  • base veggies
  • pistachios (or seasoned meat, if you prefer; slightly warm)
  • crushed plantain chips
  • shredded Mexican cheese
  • guacamole dressing (heavy)

This one is a very hearty salad.  It’s got a nice crunch, but it’s really the smooth, creamy goodness of that guacamole dressing that makes it all come together.  For me, this is my entire meal, and I can’t get enough, so I typically make a huge one.  Try this once or twice and you will never look at a “taco salad” from a chain restaurant in the same way ever again.


Next time, we’ll get meaty.









Sunday, October 11, 2020

Could have been Mark Twain ... or Confucius ...

I’m not feeling particularly well today, and it’s an off-week, so I think I’ll take the supposed advice of Voltaire (though Wikiquote refuses to confirm) and remain silent rather than to increase the quantity of bad blog posts.  He was ahead of his time, that Voltaire.  Or whoever actually said it.  Whatever they actually said.









Sunday, October 4, 2020

Rotating Through the Gaming

[This is a post I wrote primarily for an audience of people who play TTRPGs in general, and D&D in particular.  Nearly three years ago now, I pondered starting separate blogs for my eclectic interests, but I never really did.  If I had, though, this would certainly be on the gaming blog.  So, if you’re not a gamer, you might want to give this one a pass.]


During the heyday of my old gaming group, there were always at least 3 or 4 of us who were willing to be GMs, but none of us who wanted to be the GM all the time.  For a while, we “solved” this apparent dilemma by just having one person GM until they got sick of it, then someone else would step up.  Everyone else would typically keep the same characters, even.  (The problem of what to do with the new GM’s old PC was, partially, what led to our policy on “GMPCs,” which will one day be its own blog post.)  But, eventually, we came up with a new idea: game rotation.

The idea was fairly simple: everyone who was willing to be a GM, and who had a good idea for a campaign, would go into the rotation, and we’d do a different campaign every week (we typically gamed once every week).  Being the nerds we were, we managed to complicate it a bit more than that by instituting a voting system.  Basically, at the end of each session, the GM for that session would say either “okay, that’s all I had prepared,” or they could say “I could go again, if you guys want to.” If they said the former, the next person in the rotation was up, the end.  If, however, they said the latter, then the other players would vote: were we actually interested in continuing this particular campaign for another week, or were we ready to move on?  Simple majority made the decision.  I would guess that maybe half the time that the GM indicated they were amenable to continuing, we voted to do so.  The other half, we would just move on, and that GM had a leg-up on their next turn at bat.  No one ever took offense, that I recall, for saying they could go on but being voted down to do so.  And I would guess that, over the nearly ten years we employed this system, the number of times we voted to play the same game a third week in a row could be counted in the fingers of one hand.

Short version: we switched campaigns a lot.

And I’ve been really excited to talk about this system for a while now, because there were a lot of great things about it.  Here are the primary reasons this was a fantastic system:
  • No one ever got sick of being the GM: you were only doing it once a month or so.
  • No one ever got sick of their characters: you were only playing that person once a month or so.  The rest of the time, you got be someone entirely different.
  • Being exposed to different GMs with different styles is good for players, and in turn it makes them better GMs.
  • It relieved a lot of the pressure for those who wanted to try being the GM for the first time.  You only had to worry about doing it for one week, and then, best case, you’d have 3 or 4 weeks to work up the courage to go again, and, worst case, you could say “man, I really didn’t like doing that!” and everyone had 3 or 4 other games to enjoy, so: no big deal.
  • Assuming you were sticking with it, instead of having only a week to prepare some elaborate adventure, you basically had a month.  As we all got older and busier, this particular advantage cannot be overestimated.
  • Since you did have the option of bowing out if things got too complex or too overwhelming, everyone felt more freedom to be experimental.  Try something new!  What the hell: worse come to worst, we can just toss out that campaign and you can come up with a better idea next time.
  • Perhaps the best of all, we tried new things.  New settings for D&D, sure, but whole new systems.  We played Vampire (the Masquerade) and Mage (the Ascension), we played Star Wars (both the d6 and d20 versions), we played GURPS and Traveller and Call of Cthulhu.  We played weird shit, like the Wheel of Time RPG and In Nomine and homebrew shit we made up ourselves.  Because, again: why not try something new?  Could be fun for a while, you might discover a new love, and, as always, the worst case was we’d just fallback on our several other campaigns.
So it was an awesome system that we employed, as I say, for what I’m pretty sure was close to a decade.  But, you know, it wasn’t perfect.  There are a few downsides to this system:
  • Even though you’re gaming every week, it’s often the case that it’s been a month since you played the character you’re picking up on any given night.  It’s sometimes hard to remember where you were in the story and sometimes even who your character actually is, especially for newer campaigns.
  • Being experimental is awesome, but it does mean there are failed experiments.  I only got in a few sessions of my awesome gender-fluid Trinity character, only one of my Shadowrun character (who I can’t ever remember now), and none for my Hero or BESM characters.  I also don’t remember what I came up with for BESM, but my Hero character was a decently interesting Jekyll-and-Hyde type who I was kind of looking forward to.  (Hero is one of the few systems where that kind of character is actually buildable without jumping through a million hoops and bending a billion rules.)  Better that we tried and failed than never to have tried at all, I suppose, but they were bittersweet experiences, for sure.

These are all important considerations.  Still, I feel the good outweighed the bad, and I would definitely recommend this system to any gaming group looking to solve some of the same issues we had.  When I decided to make playing D&D with my kids a weekly thing—effectively replacing my old gaming group with one that I grew myself—I knew that I would have to institute game rotation again.  Primarily because being the sole GM in a serious, weekly game at this point in my life would probably kill me.  I already stress myself out constantly over how little time I have to do all the things I want to accomplish.  This should be a fun thing with my kids, not something that makes me feel like I’m failing to get shit done in my life.

Of course, my youngest 2 children aren’t ready to GM yet (okay, that’s what I thought ... originally).  So what we came up with was a system of 4 campaigns to rotate through:
  • The Family Campaign, which I run, is our long-term, serious one where everyone has put the most work into their characters.  It’s the one where I spend the majority of my prep time.
  • The Clown Campaign is another one I run, but this one we run straight “out of the book,” so to speak (that means that we use a pre-published adventure where most of the work is done for you).  For this one, we chose Waterdeep: Dragon Heist (which is, weirdly, neither about a dragon nor a heist), which is a fun, somewhat open but somewhat constrained, flexible adventure that I can have fun with at the same time that I don’t have to put too much effort into.  The campaign derives its name from the fact that the 3 characters are former clowns who came to Waterdeep with the circus and then wandered off to have other adventures.
  • The Freak Campaign is being run by my eldest.  It’s also D&D, but it’s even less serious than the Clown Campaign: it’s specifically where a bunch of wacky characters (I play a unicorn, my middlest plays a nothic, and my youngest plays a homebrewed half-elf-half-changeling staff master) meet in Sigil and then get kidnapped by crazy lich who just wants to send them off on adventures while they watch, because they’re bored of having been alive for so long.  Our first mission was to raid a black dragon’s hoard (we started at 7th level for this one), and now we’re running through an updated version of Expedition to the Barrier Peaks.
  • The Lizard Campaign, also run by my eldest, is our primary non-D&D campaign.  It’s ostensibly a Shadowrun campaign (meaning it uses the standard Shadowrun setting), but we started out doing a Powered by the Apocalypse version called Sixth World.  Lately, the kid has been playing around with a homebrewed conversion to mostly-5e rules.  But, either way, it’s a very not-fantasy, cyberpunk-y sort of campaign where the 3 of us are all reptilian based mutant siblings: I play the oldest sibling, a crocodile man with some spirit powers, my middle child plays the middle sibiling, a chameleon ninja; and my youngest is the youngest, a lizard hacker.  Tone-wise, it’s somewhere slightly more serious than the Clown Campaign but less so than the Family Campaign.

Additionally, my youngest—remember, she’s still only 8 at the moment—has already jumped in to to try GMing, running a Dungeon World game (with my eldest as assistant GM) which we sometimes call the Red/Blue Campaign, due to its setting in a divided city where, on one side, everyone dresses in red, and, on the other ... well, you get the picture.  The city is ruled by a king and queen (one on each side), who have two twin daughters, tragically separated by their parents’ division.  I play a dhampir (that’s a half-vampire, for those unfamiliar with the term) and my middle child plays an otter-kin (that’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like), and our goal seems to be to reunite the city.  Once we can figure out why it was spearated in the first place.  Did I mention that this kid is 8?  It’s a fairly complex plot, overall.  But she doesn’t always have the patience to be in charge.

My middle child has zero interest in being in charge of anything.

Now, we have a tendency to play these games 2 or 3 weeks in a row way more often than my old group did, but that’s partially due to my kids not having the stubbornness to stay up all night like we used to when I was young.  Many times after a few hours, they start to run out of steam, so we just call it and say “let’s play this again next week!” We’re about 2 months away from our one-year anniversary since we started this system, and this is what our rotation has worked out to so far:
  • 12/11/19: Family Campaign (flashbackstories)
  • 12/18/19: Clown Campaign
  • 12/26/19: Family Campaign (flashbackstories)
  • 1/1/20: Clown Campaign
  • 1/8/20: Lizard Campaign
  • 1/15/20: Family Campaign (flashbackstories)
  • 1/20/20: Family Campaign (flashbackstories)
  • 2/7/20: Clown Campaign
  • 2/12/20: Lizard Campaign
  • 2/19/20: Family Campaign (flashbackstories)
  • 2/22/20: Family Campaign (flashbackstories)
  • 2/26/20: Lizard Campaign
  • 3/4/20: Family Campaign
  • 3/13/20: Lizard Campaign
  • 3/18/20: Lizard Campaign
  • 3/25/20: Clown Campaign
  • 4/1/20: Clown Campaign
  • 4/8/20: Family Campaign
  • 4/15/20: Family Campaign
  • 4/22/20: Family Campaign
  • 4/29/20: Family Campaign (finish up), Freak Campaign (intro)
  • 5/6/20: Freak Campaign
  • 5/13/20: Freak Campaign
  • 5/27/20: Clown Campaign
  • 6/3/20: Red/Blue Campaign
  • 6/10/20: Freak Campaign
  • 6/17/20: Freak Campaign
  • 6/24/20: Family Campaign
  • 7/1/20: Family Campaign
  • 7/8/20: Family Campaign
  • 7/15/20: Red/Blue Campaign
  • 8/6/20: Family Campaign
  • 8/26/20: Family Campaign
  • 9/9/20: Family Campaign
  • 9/16/20: Freak Campaign
  • 9/23/20: Freak Campaign
  • 9/30/20: Freak Campaign
  • 10/7/20: Clown Campaign (proposed)

There have been a few weeks when we skipped roleplaying (often on those nights we would play other games, like Munchkin or Stuffed Fables or whatnot), and that one night where we played half a session of one campaign and then half a session of the next one, but overall we’re not doing too badly keeping to the schedule, if with a lot more contiguous runs than we used to have in my old group.  But that’s not necessarily a bad thing if people are keeping interested and not getting bored.  Which so far seems to be the case.

Maybe this is a system that your gaming group wants to explore, especially if you have a “one person GMs all the time” style group currently.  Give your GM a chance to shine as a player for a change!  Let your players experiment in the GM’s chair without the pressure of “this is what we’re doing now” looming over them.  Try out some new games as a change of pace.  Variety is the spice of life, so they say.  Why not extend that metaphor to your tabletop gaming?









Sunday, September 27, 2020

Isolation Report, Week #29

[You could also read the most recent report, or even start at the beginning.]


Another two weeks, another 14 days spent marveling at how much worse “worse” can get.  The fact that none of it is even surprising—not that no police officers will be charged in the murder of Breonna Taylor, not that our president will not agree to leave office peacefully if defeated in the election, not that the Republicans are completely comfortable with their hypocrisy regarding Supreme Court appointments, not that the Democrats are toothless in their response and blustering pointlessly, not that the number of deaths from the pandemic continues to rise while the rest of the world is handling their shit and revoking our passports, not that the president knew how bad it was in Feburary and did nothing—is possibly the most depressing thing.  Literally the only thing that surprises me any more is that anyone else is surprised by any of these things.

The fact that Ruth Bader Ginsburg died was not so much surprising—this is 2020, after all—as it was a punch in the gut.  Someone that I watch (probably Stephen Colbert) said that they had been getting texts all weekend with various expressions of sadness and profanity; this was reflected perfectly in our online chat at $work where the NPR story reporting her death was followed nearly immediately by two messages: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” and ”FUCK!!” ... I’ll leave it to you to guess which one of those was from me.  Besides the terror at what damage Trump and the Senate Republicans (who have already pledged to confirm Trump’s nominee, without even finding out who it’s going to be) can do, it’s also worth reflecting on the fact that it’s just a massive loss for democracy.  I’ve watched several tributes to her life and legacy, but I highly recommend Trevor Noah’s, which touched me the most.

There isn’t a lot of other news to report: there’s been a bit (more) family drama, a guinea pig funeral, a colonoscopy appointment made, a broken dishwasher.  There’s a new D&D book coming out that I’m quite looking forward to.  The smallies and I finished season 2 of Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, which is just a beautiful, funny, touching animated series; if you have both Netflix and children and you haven’t watched this yet, you really must do.  My sleep schedule is nearly completely random at this point, but $work is still going moderately well.  Well, as well as can be expected, I suppose.  The humans in the house have mostly committed to not killing each other.  At least for now.

I understand that many folks (including my own parents) are starting to go out more, even eating in restaurants.  So far we’ve held off on that.  I pointed out to my mother this weekend that she couldn’t really be wearing her mask while she was eating.  She said, no, you just wear it to the table and then you take it off to eat.  I said that was like wearing your hazmat suit to get to the radiation and then taking it off once you arrived.  Call us overabundantly cautious if you like.  We’re fine with that.

Oh, and I did actually take a COVID test recently.  I had no fever, but there was a sore throat, and just a touch of labored breathing, so I figured better safe than sorry.  There’s a drive-through place near us where they basically hand you the giant Q-tip and tell you what to do and then you give yourself the test.  Then they text you the results; they told me to give it 3 – 5 day, but I got a text within 24 hours.  Negative, if you were concerned.  Which, as I say, I figured, but one doesn’t want to mess around.  I still believe we’re all going to get it eventually, but I really want to know when I’ve got it.  I don’t think I’m in any particular danger once I get it, but of course we have the kid with the heart condition, so one has to be careful.

I think that’s all there is to report.  I hope the world gets better soon.  I’d certainly like to start having lunch with my coworkers again, and I know The Mother would just like me to leave the house, lunch or no lunch.  And my children wouldn’t mind getting back to a semi-regular field trip schedule.  But we wait, and we watch, and we hope that the election gives the country a chance at recovery.  If not, then ... then I don’t know.  Other than being able to predict that Trump and his family will be enriched by the continued deaths of the American people, I can’t guess what that dystopian future would hold.

Hopefully it doesn’t come to finding out.