Sunday, March 29, 2026

Doom Report (Week 62: A Twelve-Year-Old with a Phone)


This week, Trump set an ironclad deadline of 48 hours for Iran to stop restricting ships from the Strait of Hormuz (presumably he meant US ships, since Iran isn’t restricting anyone else).  About 40 hours later, he came out to say “I’ve actually been talking to a top guy in Iran—I don’t want to tell you who he is; he lives in Canada, you wouldn’t know him—and now I’ve extended the deadline.  The new deadline is right after the stock market closes on Friday.”

Just another TACO Tuesday.


Other things you need to know this week:

  • Legal Eagle is having another great week.  Anna Bower covers the insanity that is the DOGE bros deposition footage.  Then, Liz Dye breaks down the even more insane, utterly brilliant saga of the NJ “triumvirate”.  It’s brilliant because of the one NJ federal judge who got so fed up with their bullshit that he became an absolute rockstar by having one lippy government lawyer forcibly removed.  When you get to the part in the video where Judge Quraishi tells the laywer, Mr. Coyne, that he’s not allowed to speak, freeze frame it on the court doc.  Liz doesn’t read this part, but you can:  Coyne: “I would ask —”  Court: “No.”  Coyne: ”— that the Court allow me to speak.”  Court: “Nope.”  Fucking. Rockstar.
  • I don’t often link to the Armageddon Update, because you have to be in the right mood for Christopher Titus’s particular brand of pissed off (and often offensive) takes on things.  But this week’s is not to be missed.  He’s literally the only  source (among those that I regularly watch) to point out that apparently, our country is now insolvent.
  • Last week we got the legal take on the Afroman defamation case.  This week we get Josh Johnson’s take.  Very different perspective; just as funny.


This week on The Weekly Show, Jon Stewart interviews Alastair Campbell, a British journalist and former speechwriter for UK Prime Minister Tony Blair.  His podcast with fellow Brit Rory Stewart (who was also interviewed on this show back in week 14) is a bit like Pod Save America, but if one of the Obama guys had, instead of starting a podcast with 2 or 3 other Obama guys, chosen a Bush guy for contrast.  It’s a good interview, and you should totally watch it, but, as is often the case, the good stuff happens after the interview is over and Jon is talking to his producers Lauren Walker, Brittany Mehmedovic, and Gillian Spears.  Here they reference a point that Alistair made where he claimed that (Canadian Prime Minister) Mark Carney is now receiving more phone calls from Trump than he’s making:

Gillian: It was interesting what he said about Carney, too, which is that—I mean, whether or not it’s true—that Trump has been calling him more than he’s been calling Trump since he showed a little bit of courage.  And, I don’t know, it’s kind of similar to what you said about Kaitlan Collins once, which is that maybe he kind of has respect for people that push back a bit.
Brittany: Mamdani.
Lauren: Exactly.
Jon: Yeah.  That’s exactly right.  Those are three very good examples.  And I do think that there is some of that.  And I can believe it because Donald Trump is, if nothing else, a 12-year-old with a phone.

And I thought to myself at this point: there’s something to that ...  But I would say it’s more like the mean girl in high school who has utter disdain for her sycophants, but anyone who doesn’t give a shit whether or not she likes them must be so cool she just has to get to know them.  And you might think, that’s a pretty shallow take on the guy who is currently running our country, to which I would respond ... well, yeah.  Obviously.  Welcome to the presidential cabinet of Heathers.  Now we’re just waiting for our Veronica to arrive.  How very.









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