Showing posts with label entertainment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label entertainment. Show all posts

Sunday, July 26, 2020

Isolation Report, Week #20


[You could also read the most recent report, or even start at the beginning.]


I had to go to the doctor for the first time during the pandemic: apparently, I (probably) have diverticulitis.  My grandmother had this for many years, so it doesn’t surprise me too much.  Now I have to go find a gastroenterologist, and I’m sure there’s a colonoscopy in my future, which is never pleasant to look forward to.  In other sad news, The Mother‘s dad and brother aren’t doing well, so it looks like she will have to undertake a short plane ride in these troubled times, which definitely isn’t pleasant to look forward to.  Our littlest will accompany; neither of them would sleep much otherwise.

We subscribed to HBO Max; it was the same price we were paying for HBO Now, so we figured why not.  Mostly what’s on HBO Max is the same as what’s on regular HBO, but there are a few extra things.  One of which is Doom Patrol, one of those marvelously inventive comic book series (like Preacher or Legion) that is oh-so-much-more than a typical superhero story.  While he wasn’t the inventor of the Doom Patrol (a group which actually preceded the X-Men by a few months, despite seeming like a rip-off of them, which makes it decades old), it’s Grant Morrison we truly have to thank for this bit of Dadaesque surrealism (see also Happy!, on Netflix).  While the core four characters predated him, Morrison gave us Crazy Jane, Danny the Street, and the amazing Willoughby Kipling, expertly portrayed by Mark Sheppard (a character actor who’s made a career of brilliant recurring characters in great series such as Supernatural, Warehouse 13, and White Collar).  If you don’t like shows where you are constantly trying to figure out what the fuck is going on, definitely do not watch this one.

Let’s see ... what else ... we’ve been playing some family board games.  The Wizard Always Wins, Betrayal at House on the Hill, and Bears vs Babies; all highly recommended.  Also some card games—Minecraft Uno and Timelineand of course the littlest one still sucks me into Portal Knights on a semi-regular basis.  That game is for me what I understand Animal Crossing is for other folks during these weird times: we mainly just battle things and go on quests so we can get more materials to build our awesome house.  It’s up to 3 stories now, with a rootfop observatory on top and a vegetable garden and pool out back.  There’s also a large bathroom with a red crystal ceiling, a little marketplace full of vendor stalls out front, and a cannon in the side yard that we occasionaly fire off the edge of the world just so we can watch the flaming cannonball shoot off into the abyss.  We really do spend a lot of time on it ... it’s weirdly soothing, vaguely creative, and surprisingly social.  Plus my kid loves it when we share decorating tips.

So things aren’t too bad on the personal front, although I grow ever more fearful at the state of our country.  While the rest of the world seems to have figured out how this whole virus thing works, we’re traveling backwards in time; as The Daily Show recently pointed out, we’ve now arrived at 1918, when the president said to ignore the doctors and scientists and encouraged large gatherings, people claimed that wearing masks to avoid infecting each other was unconstitutional, and localities triggered a second wave by reopening too soon.  Protests for racial justice continue unabated, but the news seems to have forgotten (or perhaps merely grown apathetic).  In point of fact, we’ve now progressed to the point where our president is sending in secret police to disappear people off the streets, and our system continues blithely on.  Is this what people felt like in Argentina in the 70s? in Russia in the 30s?  (I hesitate to mention Germany in the 40s due to Godwin’s law, but I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind.)  I bet you all those people in all those countries said the same thing we’re all apparently thinking: “obviously that could never happen here.”  I mean, I’m assuming people are thinking that, because otherwise why the fuck isn’t everyone in the country freaking the fuck out right now?  A couple of news stories that faded fast and a few sternly worded tweets from the opposition?  Is that really all the reaction we can get for secret fucking police? kidnapping people?  I dunno, man ... I’m not feeling particularly sanguine about the future.









Sunday, June 28, 2020

Isolation Report, Week #16


[You could also read the most recent report, or even start at the beginning.]


I originally thought I might make up for last week by doing a full post this week, but a number of factors have conspired against me.  One is trying to finish a thing for $work.  Probably the more time-consuming, though, is that our cycle of D&D (and other TTRPGs) has cycled back around to the Family Campaign, which is the one game where I tend to put in a lot of work.  So I suppose we’ll have yet another virus isolation report.

Aside from the slight interruption of Father’s Day, it’s been pretty much business as usual.  The news seems to be confirming that, yes, we did open back up too early—perhaps I’m just cynical, but is there really anyone out there who is surprised at this news?  Experts said, if you do a thing, another thing will happen, and then people who are supposedly in charge did the thing, and then the other thing happened.  To borrow the eloquence of a fourth-grader: well, no duh.  I’m definitely not feeling bad about our family’s decisions to maintain our mostly-staying-isolated lifestyle.  In fact, honestly I would say we’re staying at home even more now than we were at the beginning of the pandemic: we’re going longer between runs to the grocery store, we’re eating out way less, and, while The Mother and the smallies have been out a couple of times recently, expanding our “social bubble,” overall extra-domiciliar expeditions are, on balance, reduced.

Protests over our militarized police state continue, but the media seems less inclined to continue focussing on the story, which is ... frustrating.  I guess we’ll just have to see how things keep going.  I do find it encouraging that so many people—especially so many white people—are calling for change.  On the other hand, the idea that the public outrage might  be quelled by the 24-hour news cycle is ... frustrating.

So far, I haven’t baked any sourdough bread or tried to pick up any new hobbies.  Unless my daughter sucking me into Portal Knights counts.  I have been, admittedly, watching a shit-ton of television, have blown through most of my podcast backlog, and been trying to watch more videos on the Internet, but there’s not as much out there as I wish there was.  In many ways, we’re getting some cool new stuff—to name just one, check out Josh Gad’s Reunited Apart series—but a lot of what I used to watch is struggling to figure out how to cope with the new normal, and that goes for television too.

One spot of good news: Critical Role is returning this coming week.  This is good news, because, I gotta tell you: watching people who normally play games together live try to figure out how to play on Zoom or other videoconferencing technology where the lag is just enough to make it difficult for people to figure out whether to jump in or shut up and let someone else talk is ... not as satisfying.  The people who have been doing it that way for years already have a leg up, of course, but a lot of the streams I’ve tried to watch (such as the otherwise entertaining annual livestream games from the makers of D&D, this year called D&D Live 2020) are just not what they used to be.  So the news that Critical Role is going to come back, filiming with everyone in the same room (albeit no longer at the same table), is quite welcome.  And, also, they’re going to keep doing their Narrative Telephone series (new episode came out on YouTube just yesterday), which brings me a lot of joy.  We’ll see if the new format works for Critical Role or not.

In the meantime, we’ll soldier on, try to stay safe, and try to stay sane.  Hopefully you all will as well.









Sunday, May 17, 2020

Isolation Report, Week #10


[You could also read last week’s report, or even start at the beginning.]


This week ... well, honestly, it’s been pretty much exactly like last week.  Which is sort of the problem, I suppose.  I would appreciate it if time would move forward.  But I don’t think that time is predisposed to accede to my idle wishes.

The never-changing sameness we seem to be stuck in doesn’t lend itself to much in the way of news, and I’ve already philosophized as much as I care to.  I may even stop doing these reports weekly; perhaps I can go back to my previous habits of long post / short post, with the short posts being these “isolation reports.”  But I can’t make any promises: these are uncertain times, and who knows what tomorrow may bring?

In a vague attempt to make this post not entirely worthless, I’ll let you know some of the things I’ve been watching to try to keep my mind off the fact that our country is in the midst of a crisis without anyone even remotely competent in charge:

  • The Mother and I finished up Altered Carbon season 2 [Netflix] this week.  She said it was perhaps even better than S1.
  • I started on the final season of Blindspot [Hulu].  Honestly, these last few seasons haven’t lived up to the promise of the first two (or even one), but I’m a fan of Ashley Johnson (and her character), and it’s only half a season to find out the ending of the whole saga.  So I’m sticking with it.
  • I watched the entirety of McMillion$ [HBO] this week.  When I first saw a commercial for it, I was intrigued, and then I saw that it was 6 one-hour episodes.  And I was like, interesting story, maybe, but does it really need 6 hours?  But it actually turned out to be pretty good.  Documentaries are normally not my bag, but I enjoyed this one.
  • The kids and I started on season 2 of The Hollow [Netflix].  If you dig animation that’s kid-friendly without being dumbed down, this is not too shoddy.
  • If you’re looking for more of a “here’s what we’ve been doing during the quarantine” type thing, the first episode of McElroy and McVarney came out this week.  Being two folks who I find entertaining anyway, it was a no-brainer for me.
  • There was a new “Narrative Telephone” this week.  (See virus isolation week 8 for a bit more on what that is.)
  • If you happen to like actual play D&D (or maybe just want to give it a try), there’s a new series of D&D parents and their kids all playing together which I’m finding pretty entertaining.  It’s called Roll in the Family, and there are five episodes so far [1 2 3 4 5].  I think there will be one more next week and that will wrap up the storyline.  The DM is top-notch, and all the younger players (and almost all the older players) are damned entertaining.  Plus, it’s for charity.



That’s all I’ve got for you this week.  Perhaps next week, I’ll take a break from all this virus talk.  Maybe.









Sunday, May 3, 2020

Isolation Report, Week #8


[You could also read last week’s report, or even start at the beginning.]


Not too much new to report this week.  I’m just going to give you a couple of pairs of links: one in the serious category, and one in the fun category.

First, the serious.  Now, the first thing I’m going to tell you is, always be suspicious of Internet links about the coronavirus (or anything else, really), and I certainly don’t except myself.  I’m going to be fully transparent here: I got this link off Facebook.  But, more specifically, I got it from my cousin, who works in healthcare (originally in admin, but I believe she’s now an X-ray technician).  So apply as much salt as you like.  I personally find it to be fairly balanced between conservative and liberal viewpoints, but I urge you make that determination for yourself.

The original article is by a doctor-turned-statistician, who was also involved in helping model the 2008 financial meltdown, so he knows a thing or two about getting burned by faulty computer models.  It’s a bit thick, though, so, if you’re not a statistician, you may appreciate the video version, by a different doctor, which attempts to condense the info into a format more friendly to the masses.  Or watch and read both, as I did: it’s totally worthwhile, in my opinion.

Next, the fun.  As you know, I’ve become somewhat of a fan of actual play D&D videos, and the biggest of those (and probably my second favorite) is Critical Role.  Now, a lot—nearly all, in fact—of these types of games are played online, so they weren’t terribly impacted by the current situation.  But CR is one of the few that’s always done in person, around a table.  So they can’t play right now, and, like everyone else these days, they’re looking to do something to keep themselves from going crazy (and to keep their fans engaged).

Their solution?  They call it “narrative telephone”: one of them tells a story, recording a video of it, then sends it to another member of the group.  That person can watch the video only once, then they have to record their own version of the story, which is sent to the next person, and so on, until the eighth and final member tells their version, which is of course barely recognizable as the original.  Now, they tell these stories as their D&D characters, but this is not actually D&D, so if you were thinking you wouldn’t like it because you don’t dig the game, never fear.  Just relish how each person takes the story farther and farther off track, and then watch the whole group listen to each version and give each other shit about how badly they messed it up.  Trust me: it’s hilarious whether you know anything about D&D or not.


There’s only 2 episodes up so far, but hopefully they’ll keep doing them.  It’s the hardest I’ve laughed so far during all this.


Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this week.  Perhaps more next time.









Sunday, January 26, 2020

Only the Finest Baby Frogs


I would guess that I was somewhere between 8 and 10 when I first saw Monty Python.

I was at my grandmother’s house.  Back in those days, most people had color TVs, but only the “big” TV in the family room.  If there were any other TVs throughout the house (and, in many houses, there weren’t), they were still black-and-white.  They all had real, honest-to-god antennae, because no one had invented cable yet (and wouldn’t for another decade or so).  We had two “bands” on the TV just like we had two on the radio, except instead of FM and AM, it was VHF and UHF.1  The “normal” channels—CBS, NBC, and ABC—were on VHF and came in crystal clear, barring gale-force weather conditions.  In our small-ish town, we could get 2 channels on UHF, both hopelessly staticy unless the sky was completely cloudless and you managed to tweak the antenna just so.  One played religious programming like The 700 Club during the night, black-and-white comedies like Leave It to Beaver and Father Knows Best during the day, and, weirdly, cool anime cartoons like Star Blazers and G-Force in the afternoons after school.  The other was the local PBS station, and its daytime and afternoons were filled with the typical fare: Sesame Street and The Electric Company and the occasional Romper Room rerun.  At a certain point gool ol’ channel 152 started playing boring crap like news and I would tune it out.  But, for some reason—undoubtedly desperation, meaning there must have been absolute shit on all the other channels—this one night, I decided to see what channel 15 had on at 8 or 9 at night.

And, what it was, was ... well, honestly, I had no idea what it was.  In those days, proper comedies had laugh tracks, so I knew they were funny.  This didn’t have that.  So maybe it wasn’t supposed to be funny?  But it certainly wasn’t meant to be taken seriously either.  Most of the sophisticated wordplay was over my head, none of the English class humor was landing, obviously,3 and surrealist comdey wasn’t something I’d ever been exposed to.  For that matter, was there surrealist comedy before Python?  I can’t think of any off the top of my head.  The point is, I was utterly unprepared to process what I saw that night.  I remember not “getting” it, not particularly liking it, and thinking I would probably never watch that crap again.  But of course I was wrong.

Throughout my life, there have been many comedies that I couldn’t appreciate upon first viewing, but which have since become central to my concept of humor: Beavis and Butthead springs to mind, as does The Mighy Boosh.  Oh, sure, sometimes it clicks right way: South Park, or the Young Ones, or Arrested Development ... all odd, but I felt right at home with them immediately.  But Ren & Stimpy took a few tries before I could fully appreciate it, and The State was certainly more confusing than amusing until I started to feel the rhythm of it.  Monty Python was my first, though, and they say you never forget your first.  It was the first time that my first viewing produced “this is crap” and my second produced “well, there a couple of good parts” and the third was perhaps “you know, it’s not half-bad” and by the time I hit four or five I was finding it utterly hilarious.4

The pinnacle, though, was my senior year in high school.  I distinctly remember getting together with my friends in the late summer before the school year: we had a picnic in one of the public parks in my hometown.  I had been an outcast all throughout my school career, until I switched schools in the middle of the 10th grade and had the good fortune to fall in with a fairly hip crowd.  But I still remembered what it was like to be on the other side of the Great High School Divide, and I was bemoaning all the cliques and all that.  “I wish there were parties where just anyone could come, and it didn’t matter who you were or who you hung out with or any of that,” I said.5  And someone said, why don’t you just throw a party like that?  And at first this didn’t make any sense to me, because, you know, I was hanging with the cool kids, but I wasn’t necessarily a cool kid myself—certainly not in my own mind, anyway.  So I was thinking, who would want to come to a party at my house, and also why the hell would my parents let me have a party at my house, also how would I pay for party supplies and whatnot ... it didn’t really seem rational.  But we started fleshing out a plan: they would be movie parties, so people would come because they wanted to check out the movies, and we had one of those fancy new “VCR” thingies so we could actually show the movies, and most other people didn’t have one of those so they’d have to come to my house because they couldn’t just sit at home and watch movies themselves, and we’d collect money at the door as contributions and that would pay for soda and popcorn and the actual movie rental and all that, and my parents ... well, honestly I can’t even remember how the hell I talked them into this, but I did.  And we came up with a manifesto, about how everyone was welcome and no one would ever be turned away (unless you didn’t bring your money for the cover charge) and, if you didn’t like it that you might bump into literally anyone from high school there, you just shouldn’t come.  And there were never invitations, just ... word of mouth.  Everyone knew that everyone could come, and most of ’em did, at least once.  We ended up doing this movie party thing maybe 3 times? maybe 4?  I can’t recall.  But I can absolutely tell you, for sure, what the movies were for the absolute first everyone-is-welcome movie-party at my house: we closed with Poltergeist, and we opened with Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Now, I wish I could take credit for having the idea to show this, Monty Python’s first “proper” movie,6 but I honestly think it was my best friend Mackey who suggested it.  If you are not familiar with it, the credits are all at the beginning of the movie—and interspersed with classic goofs in the middle of them, such as “A Møøse once bit my sister” and “The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked.”—and, at the end of the movie, there is nothing.  Just a song which repeats ad infinitum over a blank screen.  I mean, it was a videotape, so it couldn’t have literally gone on forever, but I’m a bit embarrassed to tell you how long we let it sit there and play before someone finally said, “shit! the credits were all at the beginning, rememeber!” and we all laughed at ourselves and initiated the bathroom break while we rewound the tape and set up for the next movie.

And that only goes to cover the very beginning and very end of this classic movie, which has since become one of my favorites.  In fact, I’m pretty cagey about picking an absolute favorite out of my top 10 or 20 favorite movies,7 but, realistically, Holy Grail is almost certainly at the top of that list.  It is, above all else, inifinitely quotable, and practically every line in it is classic: “I got better ...” and “your father smelt of elderberries!” and “what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?” and “strange women lyin’ in ponds is no basis for a system of government” and “three, sir” and “let me go back in there and face the peril” and “I’ll just stay here, then, shall I?” and “brave Sir Robin bravely ran away” and “I think I’ll go for a walk” and “help! help! I’m being repressed!” and “of course it’s a good idea!” and “let’s not bicker and argue about ‘oo killed ‘oo” and “go away or I shall taunt you a second time!” and “get on with it!”  This paragraph could easily have been twice as long and I still would not have exhausted all the great lines in this movie.

When my eldest child was young we watched the entirety of the original series, including a couple of episodes I had somehow missed, and we watched Holy Grail often enough that we could recite the Black Knight scene by heart.  We would act it out with toy swords upon occasion: “It’s just a flesh wound”  “You’re a loony.”

Throughout all my life I have hated musicals.  With a great and unabiding passion.  And yet I know all the words to “The Lumberjack Song” and “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” and “Every Sperm is Sacred”:

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.


I am a connoisseur of the Ministry of Silly Walks, and Teddy Salad, CIA man, and the music of Johann Gambolputty &c of Ulm, and The Bishop, and the Spanish Inquisition, and pet ants, and how not to be seen, and Norwegian Blue parrots, and argument clinics, and mouse organs, and sharp, pointy sticks, and Confuse-a-Cat Limited, and the Piranha Brothers, and most especially that time of the evening when it’s just gone eight o’clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.  I have watched, several times, A Fish Called Wanda and Time Bandits and Brazil and The Fisher King and, at least once, Clockwise and The Rutles and Yellowbeard and Fierce Creatures and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen and Jabberwocky.  It’s certainly possible that there is a group of six to ten people unrelated to me who have had a bigger influence on my cultural development than the members and contributors of Monty Python, but, if so, I can’t imagine who they are.

Graham Chapman died in late 1989, as I was preparing to make a major move in my life: from the small town where I had lived all but a single year of my life to the environs of my nation’s capital, where I would, after a 3-year absence, finally return to college.  I was too caught up in my own life to notice his passing, I fear, and I only mourned later, but not too much: so many of the members remained.  When Ian MacNaughton, director of all but 4 of the episodes of the Flying Circus and one of the several people to be referred to as “the seventh Python,” died in 2002, it wasn’t major news, sadly, and I never even noticed at all.  But, in the past month, we’ve lost two more: Neil Innes, who sang about brave, brave Sir Robin in Holy Grail and “I Must Be in Love” for the Rutles, and who was perhaps most credited with being the “seventh Python,” died only 3 days shy of seeing in the new decade, and Terry Jones—the Bishop, Arthur “Two Sheds” Jackson, Sir Bedevere, Mr. Creosote (he of the “wafer-thin” mint fame), last surviving undertaker, purveyor of strange stains and mysterious smells, and Cardinal Biggles, poker of innocent women with soft cushions—has, as I write this, been gone for less than a week.  I myself am now at that age where I’m really starting to notice the deaths of my heroes, and even moreso at that age where such deaths start to happen with somewhat depressing regularity.

At 76, Michael Palin is the youngest of the survivors, and the mighty John Cleese is already 80.  Eric Idle is just a few months older than Palin; Terry Gilliam just a year younger than Cleese; Carol Cleveland (wicked, bad, naughty Zoot!) is right in the center of them at 78.  So I suspect that I’ll be receiving 5 more of these little missives of obituarial melancholia, unless one or more of them manages to outlive me, which would not really be better, if I may be so selfish.  Still, I hope I may be forgiven my whinging just a bit.  These are the people who had the profoundest impact on shaping my concept of what “funny” means, who initiated my Anglophilia, thus leading me to Fry & Laurie and the Young Ones and French and Saunders and Blackadder and Red Dwarf and The IT Crowd.  These are the people who, in a small but significant way, made me who I am today.  I’ll miss them one by one as they move on, and I’ll especially miss them once they’re all gone for good.  The Pythons themselves seem prone to making jokes upon the occasion of each other’s deaths—Cleese supposedly said of Jones’ passing “two down and four to go”—and that’s appropriate.  I’m sure that once you’ve spent that many decades trying to make people laugh, you’ve got to be a bit irked if people can’t laugh after you’re gone.  But, still ... my laughter this month is tinged with a patina of sorrow.  These were giants to me ... if nothing else, a giant foot which squashed my boredom and had a policeman’s head on top of it saying “wot’s all this then?”

Or perhaps just ... “Dinsdale!”








__________

1 The highly-underrated “Weird Al” movie of the same name immortalizes those times.
2 The VHF channels went from 2 to 13 (there was no channel 1, although I never really knew why); anything 14 or up was UHF.  Those channels went up to some large-ish number—78, maybe?—but the reception got crappier the higher they went, so mostly the channels would stay at the lower end of the band as much as possible.
3 As I was a stupid American who doesn’t “get” that sort of thing.
4 And perhaps we shouldn’t limit ourselves to television: the aforementioned “Weird Al” Yankovic was an acquired taste for me, as was This Is Spinal Tap.
5 Or, you know, words to that effect.  It was 35 years ago; don’t take “I distinctly remember” as meaning that I’m offering you a verbatim account of that day.
6 Python’s technically first movie is just a glorified clip show of the series, which I always found very disappointing, as by that time I knew all those sketches.
7 I often refer to them as my “Top X Movies,” because the number only ever gets bigger.










Sunday, November 10, 2019

Happy birthday to me


You know how I said that this weekend was my birthday weekend and I wasn’t going to promise you a full post this week?  Yeah, well, this is me delivering on that non-promise.  Or anti-promise.  Or something.

Hey, you know what I just found out?  Neil Gaiman is a Scorpio, just like me!  This is important, of course, because (as I’ve written about before), Neil is the fifth point on my pentagram of literary idols.  There are any number of excellent reasons to love Gaiman—Coraline, Stardust, Sandman, Neverwherebut surely the epitome must be American Gods.  Read the novels, watch the series, listen to the sequel Anansi Boys as read by amazing vocal talent Lenny Henry ... get it any way you can.  And send Neil some good thoughts today.

This weekend we didn’t do much.  My computer keeled over again, so that consumed 5 hours of my life.  We watched Men in Black: International finally; it was good.  We went to a fancy Italian place that we hadn’t tried yet; the lasagna and the mushroom risotto were particularly lovely.  I worked on my D&D spreadsheets and made a small amount of progress.  And the donut shop actually had cinnamon donuts for a change!  So, overall a fine weekend.

Next week, a proper post for sure.









Sunday, June 2, 2019

Some fun Game of Thrones videos


As you noticed, I didn’t post the final installment in my Game of Thrones reaction posts last week.  It’s coming, I promise, but I still need more time to polish it.

In the meantime, I’ll give you something else to do.  I’ve been watching a lot of Game of Thrones related videos online lately, and many of them have expressed my thoughts on the final season rather succinctly.  If you haven’t yet watched these, you may want to check them out.

I shouldn’t have to mention this, but ... MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8 IN THE BELOW VIDEOS.


First, the inimitable Scooter Magruder.  Apparently he does a lot of sports-related videos, which probably explains why I’d never heard of him before.  But he also does a few other things, such as videogame reaction videos, and, of course, Game of Thrones reaction videos.  Here’s the complete set of his videos for this latest season.


I don’t think I have ever watched a video where everything the person said was exactly what I was thinking on the topic too, but I can’t find a single point of disagreement with Mr. Magruder on the topic of Game of Thrones season 8.  It’s like the guy lives inside my head or something.  Episodes 3, 5, and 8 are probably the best, but they’re all great.  Highly recommended.


Next, this fellow Ryan George does “pitch meetings” for different shows and movies where he plays both sides: that is, he’s both the person with the crazy (generally stupid) idea and also the executive who has doubts but is willing to play along.  You know what? it’s easier to just watch them than listen to me try to explain the concept:


I don’t agree with Mr. George on everything, but his take on season 8 is pretty damned spot-on, and also hilarious.


Finally, just for fun ... this is nothing to do with season 8, but just something I stumbled across and had to share: “Ice Ice Baby” by the Game of Thrones characters.  You’re welcome.


Next week, something more substantial, although I have no idea what.









Sunday, April 14, 2019

Game of Thrones Rewatch: the "Short" Version (Part 3)

Here’s the final two seasons of my Game of Thrones rewatch.  A reminder of the rules of my rewatch commentary:
  • THERE ARE METRIC SHIT-TONS OF SPOILERS HERE. One wouldn’t think I would have to point this out, as it’s a rewatch, but people will complain.  If you haven’t already watched all the seasons of GoT up till the last one, DON’T READ THIS. Perhaps you can come back when you’re all caught up.  (To be crystal clear: just because the comment is in season 3 doesn’t mean that it won’t contain spoilers for season 4 ... or season 7.  Obviously there are no spoilers for season 8 yet.)
  • (Speaking of “shit-tons” ...)  I curse.  Anyone who’s read any of my other blog posts will already know this, but perhaps you got here via some link or other and don’t know what you’re in for.  Although the previous bullet point should have been a giveaway.
  • My opnions are just that: opinions.  I present them here in case you find them interesting, but I’m not trying to convince you to believe as I do.  I ask that you show me the same courtesy should you choose to leave a comment—that is, feel free to share your own opinions, but don’t try to tell me I’m “wrong.”
  • Likewise, whatever moments I found worthy of comment are also my opinions.  If I left out one of your favorites, sorry about that.  Feel free to remind me of it in the blog post comments.
  • My comments are always super-quick.  If I want to expand on a particular thing, I do it as a pseudo-footnote.  In this case, “pseudo-footnote” means “formatted almost exactly like a footnote, but way more obvious.” These “footnotes” are designed to be less ignorable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t ignore them if you want to.  They’re just topics I wanted to explore a bit further.  Sometimes only a sentence or two more, sometimes whole paragraphs.  Read ’em or not: your call.
  • There’s not a comment on every episode.  Especially in the early episodes: sometimes there’s just nothing that jumped out at me that hour.
  • I am watching the “Inside the Episode” shorts after the shows, for every show.  Occasionally that will inform my commentary (but usually not).
  • Once I’m done with the rewatch, I may keep some commentary on the final season.  Or I may not; no promises.

Season 6

  • Episode 1: Well, I guess after you’ve jumped off a 50-foot castle wall, walking through a frozen river and wandering around in a blizzard is nothing.
    • Aaaand there goes Doran.  And Trystane.
    • Aaaand there goes Melisandre’s glamour.
  • Episode 2: Finally! the return of Bran.  I mean, it’s only been 12 episodes ...
    • I just caught this one too: what Ned says to Benjen in Bran’s flashback is the exact same line Jon says to Olly when he’s training him.^[S5E1]
    • I’ll give Tyrion this: he’s got big balls.  Huge, even.
      • “Next time I have an idea like that, punch me in the face.” —Tyrion
    • Aaaand there goes Roose.  Good riddance to him too.
      • And his wife.  And his newborn son.  That part was sad at least.
    • Aaaand there goes Balon.  No tears for that one either.
    • “I’m not a devout man ... obviously.” —Davos
    • Aaaand here comes Jon!  He’s back! [1]
  • Episode 3: “Hold off on burning my body for now.” —Jon
    • Aaaand there goes Ser Alliser.  And Olly.
  • Episode 4: Aaaand there goes Osha.  Totally pointless death. [2]
    • Aaaand there goes all the remaining Khals. [3]
  • Episode 5: “You freed me from the monsters that murdered my family.  And you gave me to other monsters that murdered my family.” —Sansa (A well-deserved slap in the face for Littlefinger.)
    • “Where are my neice and nephew?  Let’s go murder them.” —Euron
    • Tormund’s keen interest in Brienne is another thing I’d forgotten.  It’s quite cute.
    • Another White Walker goes down to dragonglass.  I guess Meera made some spearheads out of what Sam gave her ... ?^[S3E10]
    • Aaaand there goes the remaining Children of the Forest.  And Bran’s wolf.
      • And Hodor, of course.  I think his death may be more affecting than even Shireen’s, somehow. [4]
  • Episode 6: Finally: the return of Benjen. [5]
    • Wow ... Sam’s dad is a real dick.  And, in this show, that’s saying something.
    • It takes a massive amount of work to make Joffrey look like the tragic hero.
      • And even more to make Cersei look sympathetic.
    • I think Tommen thinks he’s growing a pair (finally).  I’m not sure I agree.
  • Episode 7: “And you’ve got one hand.  My money’s on the old boy.” —Bronn
    • I fucking love Lady Mormont! [6]
    • “Fuck justice, then: we’ll get revenge.  Drink.” —Yara
    • Aaaand there goes guy-we-just-met.  Don’t worry: by this point, we knew perfectly well not to get too attached.
  • Episode 8: “I choose violence.” —Cersei
    • I really try not to blame Tommen too much, but this is clearly a case of foolishly underestimating his mother.  He knows perfectly well what she’s capable of.
    • Aaaand there goes the Blackfish.  Pisses me off that he wouldn’t go with Brienne.  He was a very cool character who got shafted out of his deserved amount of screentime.
    • Aaaand there goes Lady Crane.  Not a huge surprise, but a bit of a bummer.
    • Aaaand there goes “the Waif” (that’s how she’s credited).  A.K.A. Arya’s arch-nemesis.  Oh, and: Arya kill #8.
      • “A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell.  And I’m going home.” —Arya (Bam!)
  • Episode 9: “Tell your people what happened here.  Tell them you live by the grace of Her Majesty.  When they come forward with notions of retribution or ideas about returning the slave cities to their former glory, remind them what happened when Daenerys Stormborn and her dragons came to Meereen.” —Tyrion [7]
    • “No one can protect me.  No one can protect anyone.” —Sansa
    • “I never demand, but I’m up for anything, really.” —Yara (I love how Yara is like: sure, I’ll marry you, if that’s what it takes.)
    • Aaaand there goes Rickon.  This too was inevitable, from the moment he was delivered to Ramsay.  (As Sansa predicted mere moments ago, actually ...)
      • Don’t do what he wants you to do, Jon!
        • Idiot. [8]
    • Aaaand there goes the last giant on the planet.  That’s quite sad.
      • Hey, don’t stop beating the shit out of Ramsay on Sansa’a account! [9]
    • Aaaand there goes Ramsay.  That’s quite joyous.
  • Episode 10: The whole “trial” business is hard to watch knowing how pointless the whole thing is going to end up being.
    • Aaaand there goes Pycelle.  Finally.
    • Aaaand there goes Margaery.  And Loras, and Lancel, and Mace, and Kevan.  Oh, and the High Sparrow, of course.  But mainly Margaery. [10]
      • Aaaand there goes Tommen.  Inevitable, that.
    • Very satisfying for Davos.
    • What? Winter’s not coming any more??
    • Aaaand there goes Walder.  Arya kills #9, #10, and #11. [11]
    • Baby Jon: dragonwolf.  Or wolfdragon.  Or ... something. [12]
    • God damn I love Lady Mormont!
    • A particularly bloody episode, even not counting the death of Lyanna, who is both not quite an important enough character to count and also has actually been dead for like 20 years so really shouldn’t count anyway. [13]

Season 7

  • Episode 1: You know, if I’d remembered this opening scene, I wouldn’t have bothered counting Arya kills up until this point. [14]
    • I love how there’s no significant difference in either color or consistency between the bedpan contents and what passes for food in the Citadel.
    • “No need to sieze the last word, Lord Baelish.  I’ll assume it was something clever.” —Sansa [15]
    • “It’s my fucking luck I end up with a band of fire worshippers.” —the Hound
    • 61 episodes to reach this point: Dany sets foot on Westeros.
  • Episode 2: “Are you a sheep?  No.  You’re a dragon.  Be a dragon.” —Olenna
    • There have been several times in this show that I have been pissed off at the writers.  But this is the worst of them. [16]
    • Aaaand there goes Sand Snake #1.  And Sand Snake #2.
  • Episode 3: Here’s another line I’d completely forgotten: “I have to die in this strange country.  Just like you.” (That’s Melisandre, to Varys.)
    • Aaaand there goes Sand Snake #3.
    • “I can never be Lord of Winterfell.  I can never be lord of anything; I’m the three-eyed raven.” —Bran
    • Aaaand there goes Olenna.  Fare thee well, Queen of Thorns. [17]
  • Episode 4: “You died in that cave ...” —Meera [18]
    • And now Arya has Valyrian steel as well.  That’s her, Jon, Jaime, Brienne, and Sam. [19]
    • Bronn vs Daenerys.  No clear winner, surprisingly. [20]
  • Episode 5: Yeah, Jaime! May as well just jump back in the river!
    • Aaaand there goes Sam’s dad, and his brother.  No great loss, and some small loss.  (But pretty small.)
    • Is there going to be any discussion of the fact that Dany just fried all the remaining male family members of the guy who is the best friend of the guy standing beside her and who cured the man kneeling in front of her? [21]
    • Yay! Gendry’s back.
    • “Yep, nobody mind me.  All I’ve ever done is live to a ripe old age.” —Davos
    • Gilly just gave Sam a crucial piece of history there and he never even noticed ... [22]
    • “I’m tired of reading about the achievements of better men.” —Sam
    • Hey, look: everybody hates everybody! [23]
  • Episode 6: “Your lips are moving, and you’re complaining about something.  That’s whinging.  This one’s been killed six times; you don’t hear him bitching about it.” —the Hound
    • Watching this scene between Sansa and Arya ... how much of that anger is just for show?
    • Third White Walker killed.  That should leave just 3 more ... but we see 5 a bit later. [24]
    • Aaaand there goes Thoros.
    • Aaaand there goes ... one of the only three dragons on the planet!!
    • Aaaand there goes Benjen. [25]
    • Another scene between Sansa and Arya that doesn’t feel like an actual conversation between real people, given what we know is coming.  Feels more like a cheesy plot device.
    • Oh, wait ... dragon’s back.  Shiver.
  • Episode 7: Talk about your uncomfortable meetings ... [26]
    • Qyburn is like the only person on the planet who sees a dead man running at him at full speed and goes “Cool!”
    • I love Tyrion’s sigh of relif when Cersei decides not to kill him: he didn’t really know if it was going to work or not. [27]
    • “I respect what you did.  Wish you hadn’t done it, but I respect it.” —Dany
    • It is very uncharacteristic of Littlefinger to underestimate people, but he’s vastly underestimating the Starks here.
    • I can’t believe that the writers are trying to covince us that having been castrated is actually an advantage for Theon here ...
    • Aaaand there goes Littlefinger.  Arya kill #12 + F.
    • And Jaime calls Cersei’s bluff!  How far he’s come ...
    • Incest: consummated. [28]
    • Aaaand there goes the Wall.  Double shiver. [29]


[1] I would just like to say that I called this, even the first time through, even without getting anywhere near this far in the books.  (In fact, I really don’t know if this even happens in the books or not.)  I just extrapolated from knowing that, while George R. R. Martin may piss me off at times, he’s still a competent writer.  Thoros of Myr exists for exactly one reason: to bring Beric Dondarrion back from the dead.  And bringing Beric back from the dead only happens for one reason: to let us know that this is possible, so that when we see a high cleric of the same faith in the same place as someone who is well and truly dead that we know is important to the story, we’ll understand that there’s some possibility that things can be reversed.

Interesting to note that the showrunners seem to be trying to get some extra use of Beric by bringing him back late in S6.  I would actually be somewhat surprised if GRRM does the same in the books.  I feel that, as far as he’s concerned, Beric has now fulfilled his duty and can just fade into obscurity.


[2] I don’t mind a senseless death ... well, I mind it, obviously.  But at least I understand it.  A senseless death still has a point to it (otherwise it would be a pointless death).  Take the death of Shireen, for example.  Senseless and tragic, yes, but not pointless.  It signals the downfall of Stannis, and that’s important for the story.  But the death of Osha is entirely pointless, and that I object to.  What was even the point of bringing her character back for that tiny bit of screen time and then poof! she’s dead?  May as well have killed her offscreen.


[3] This is the third great “fuck yeah!” moment for Dany (of four—so far), and the only one that doesn’t involve dragons.  In that respect, it’s probably my favorite.  This is the moment that Dany proves she can kick ass all on her own.  Dragons?  We don’t need no steenking dragons!


[4] It’s not as tragic, and definitely not senseless.  But the circularity of it all, and realzing how many years he’s been locked into waiting for this exact moment ... it’s certainly one of the most effective moments of the series.


[5] I always said there were 3 characters that had disappeared that I refused to believe were gone forever: Benjen, Nymeria (Arya’s wolf), and Syrio Forel.  I think I may end up being wrong about Syrio, and I was extremely disappointed in the “return” of Nymeria.  But the return of Benjen, at least, was totally worth it.


[6] If you can’t get enough Bella Ramsey from her appearances in Game of Thrones (and who could?), check her out in The Worst Witch on Netflix.  My littlest one and I love that show too.


[7] This of course is the fourth and final (so far) great “fuck yeah!” Dany moment.  It’s not just the dragons which are awesome (although of course they fucking well are), but Grey Worm and Tyrion are both pretty awesome too ... even Missandei gets a bit of a chin lift.  Also, that annoying shit from way back in S3 gets slaughtered, so that’s always a bonus.


[8] At least you can see in his eyes that he knows he fucked up.  Right before shit gets really insane.


[9] During the “Inside the Episode” for this one, the showrunners suggest that Jon stops because he realizes upon seeing Sansa that Ramsay is not his to kill.  I have to say, however, that Kit Harrington’s performance didn’t convey that to me.  What I got was more being embarrassed about knowing his sister sees him reduced to that state of mindless bestiality.  But I suppose I must have misread it.  Or maybe Kit was going for a mix of both, and I only caught the one.


[10] This is probably the largest named-character body count in a single event for the entire series.  Quite a few of those are not a big deal: Mace and Kevan are hardly going to be missed, and the High Sparrow is certainly no great loss.  But Loras is a slight bummer, and Margaery is a huge loss.  Much of the remaining tragedy to come is, in my opinion, a direct result of this “triumph” of Cersei over Margaery.


[11] The advantage of the rewatch is that I actually worked out that Arya is recreating the story of the Rat Cook, which Old Nan told to the Stark children, and which Bran relates to Meera and Jojen while they’re at the Nightfort [S3E10].  At the time, it just seems like a bit of Westeros flavor: their version of a ghost story, which sets the mood nicely for everyone being extremely spooked when they hear Sam and Gilly coming up the ladder.  But now I can see it was to prepare us for a fuller appreciation of the (ultra-well-deserved) fate of Walder Frey.  “It wasn’t for murder the gods cursed the Rat Cook, or for serving the king’s son in a pie.  He killed a guest beneath his roof.  That’s something the gods can’t forgive.”

Fun fact: the showrunners want us to believe this is a worrisome development for Arya’s character.  Fuck that.  I’m not worried that Arya can smile as she slits a man’s throat and watch him bleed out, ’cause I’m smiling right along with her.  Go Team Arya!


[12] You know the implications of this are staggering.  The obvious ones are the ones that get repeated the most often: Dany is Jon’s aunt, which certainly means a bit of incest ... but then again Targaryens commonly wed sisters to brothers (as Cersei is constantly reminding us, and as did our own ancient Egyptians, for that matter), so what’s a little aunt-nephew wedding among royalty?  But let’s dive a bit deeper.  If one considers the Targaryens the rightful rulers of Westeros—and of course we could easily dispute that, noting that they just came along a few centuries ago with their dragons and ate all the really properly rightful rulers—but, assuming we grant that, that means that Aerys, mad or not, was the rightful king, and therefore his eldest son would inherit the throne, which is Rhaegar, who has exactly one (surviving) son, who is Jon.  Therefore, friggin’ Jon is the goddamn rightful king of Westeros ... he has a stronger claim on the throne than Dany does, really, even throwing the question of gender out the window.  And, because he is actually older than any of Ned’s children, he has exactly the same amount of claim to King in the North as Dany does to the Iron Throne—that is, he’s the oldest surviving Stark, and he’s not, in fact, a bastard.


[13] Since the body count from just the explosion at the Sept of Baelor equalled our previous record for an entire episode, this episode easily surpasses that and becomes the new standard to beat: 9 named character deaths, all told.


[14] As Arya is technically responsible for the death of every living Frey (or at least all the male ones), and as Walder was notoriously prolific, I don’t know that we can really assign a number to how many kills she has at this point.  Let’s call the number of post-Walder Freys killed “F,” just for purposes of further counting.

Another interesting point: at the Red Wedding, Walder Frey somewhat ironically plays “The Rains of Castamere.” If you didn’t catch the story behind this song (which Cersei tells to Margaery just before the Red Wedding [S3E8]), it’s this: House Reyne rebelled against Tywin Lannister, who not only defeated them, but slaughtered them all—men, women, and children.  The Reynes of Castamere no longer exist in Westeros.  And, now, no longer do the Freys.  Poetic justice don’t begin to cover it.


[15] This may be my favorite line of Sansa’s.  Granted, that’s not saying much, but still: this is one of the few moments where I actually kinda like her.  Not too many people get to say they had the upper hand in a conversational gambit with Littlefinger ... not even Varys, really.


[16] What I’m talking about here is the “return” of Nymeria, Arya’s wolf.  Been looking forward to it for 61 episodes and this is what I get?  Bullshit.  Too cheap to pay for the CGI, I suppose.


[17] Note that, even in death, Olenna gets her last digs in.  Whereas Cersei is scary in a disturbing, psychotic way, Olenna is disturbing in a way that makes you kinda smile for her.


[18] Meera leaves Bran.  Another thing I hadn’t remembered.


[19] The Game of Thrones wiki says there’s also one in the Vale—specifically, the guy in Littlefinger’s trial who isn’t Lord Royce and isn’t a woman.  Since he was only on-screen for like 20 seconds, I’m not sure if that’s really going to be the case in the show; apparently, it is the case in the books, so the wiki is just extrapolating.


[20] I didn’t include this as one of Dany’s four great “fuck yeah!” moments.  Perhaps I should have, but I felt this was more of a sprawling battle than a personal triumph for Dany.  Drogon’s performance is certainly impressive, and there is a certain sense of personal accomplishment for Dany, because this is the point where she stops listening to everyone else and fights the way she wants to fight.  And that’s good.  But of course there’s a certain amount of sense in what Tyrion (and Varys?) is telling her, and so she actually is playing into Cersei’s hands just a bit by delivering on those “foreign boogymen are coming to get you” tales that Cersei was spouting.  I dunno; I still could be wrong, of course, and it is a great scene, but I still think the previous four sum it up for me.  To recap:
  1. Burning that dick in Astapor and freeing Missandei and Grey Worm and the rest of the Unsullied.
  2. Burning all those dick Sons of the Harpy at the fighting pit in Meereen.
  3. Burning all the dick khals in Vaes Dothrak.
  4. Burning all the ships beseiging Meereen and then having Grey Worm just slice up some Good Ol’ Wise Ol’ Masters.  Who were both total dicks.

Interesting that, while they don’t all involve dragons, they do all involve fire.  “Fire and Blood,” indeed.


[21] Nope.


[22] In case you too missed it, she just read him story of the annulment of Rhaegar Targaryen’s marriage to Elia Martell.


[23] I found this quite amusing.  Jon hates the Hound because he served the Lannisters, who murdered quite a chunk of his family.  Gendry hates Beric and Thoros, who sold him to Melisandre.  Tormund hates Jorah, whose father murdered a metric shit-ton of his kinsmen.  Meanwhile, Jorah’s not fond of Thoros, who is a reminder of his time before (remember: Thoros fought in the same tournament that Jorah won, thus attracting his ill-fated wife, whose golddigging is what led him to sell people into slavery, which is why Ned Stark banished him and his father disowned him); the Hound’s not fond of Beric or Thoros (remember: fire worshippers, plus Beric did try to kill him that once); Jorah’s not fond of Tormund (remember: Northman, wildling) ... it’s just a fantastic stew of distrust and buried enmity, which Jon finally puts an end to by pointing out that they’re all on the same side because they’re all breathing.  It’s a great scene.


[24] There are several points where you can count the White Walkers, but it never seems to make much difference.  There’s always more of them in the next shot.  I thought I knew how many there were after the attack on the cave of the Three-Eyed Raven, but now there’s more.  Maybe they’re constantly minting new ones.


[25] This is another scene I’d totally forgotten.  It’s a pretty good death scene.


[26] Lots of fun banter here: Brienne and the Hound, Tyrion and Bronn, the Hound and the Mountain.  Also plenty of just plain dirty looks: Theon and Euron, Cersei and Tyrion.


[27] Another question that occurs: is Cersei actually pregnant?  Obviously she wanted Jaime to know, because she told him outright.  In this scene, Tyrion “figures it out” ... but does he really?  Cersei is sneaky, and subtle, and I’m not sure I"m buying that she doesn’t realize that’s she’s “accidentally” giving away this secret.  She touches her belly, she goes on and on about saving loved ones and all that: I say she knows damned well what message she’s putting out there.  Because Jaime thinks she’s pregnant, he’s willing to do what she wants; because Tyrion thinks she’s pregnant, he’s willing to believe that she’ll make sane choices.  What if the whole thing is a way for Cersei to manipulate her brothers?


[28] I can’t quite figure out if we’re supposed to feel icky about this.  ‘Cause I don’t, really.  Compared to the Cersei-Jaime thing, this is very low on the incest scale.  And they have zero familial connection—just a genealogical one.  A sexual relationship with someone with whom you grew up but had absolutely no blood relation to would feel more incestuous than this.  But maybe I’m supposed to feel disgusted ... maybe the writers are going to have Jon and Dany feel disgusted when they learn about it.  But I would be disappointed by that, somehow.


[29] Technically, Tormund and/or Beric could be dead as of this scene.  But I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt.









Sunday, March 31, 2019

Game of Thrones Rewatch: the "Short" Version (Part 2)

Here’s the next two seasons of my Game of Thrones rewatch.  A reminder of the rules of my rewatch commentary:
  • THERE ARE METRIC SHIT-TONS OF SPOILERS HERE. One wouldn’t think I would have to point this out, as it’s a rewatch, but people will complain.  If you haven’t already watched all the seasons of GoT up till the last one, DON’T READ THIS. Perhaps you can come back when you’re all caught up.  (To be crystal clear: just because the comment is in season 3 doesn’t mean that it won’t contain spoilers for season 4 ... or season 7.  Obviously there are no spoilers for season 8 yet.)
  • (Speaking of “shit-tons” ...)  I curse.  Anyone who’s read any of my other blog posts will already know this, but perhaps you got here via some link or other and don’t know what you’re in for.  Although the previous bullet point should have been a giveaway.
  • My opnions are just that: opinions.  I present them here in case you find them interesting, but I’m not trying to convince you to believe as I do.  I ask that you show me the same courtesy should you choose to leave a comment—that is, feel free to share your own opinions, but don’t try to tell me I’m “wrong.”
  • Likewise, whatever moments I found worthy of comment are also my opinions.  If I left out one of your favorites, sorry about that.  Feel free to remind me of it in the blog post comments.
  • My comments are always super-quick.  If I want to expand on a particular thing, I do it as a pseudo-footnote.  In this case, “pseudo-footnote” means “formatted almost exactly like a footnote, but way more obvious.” These “footnotes” are designed to be less ignorable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t ignore them if you want to.  They’re just topics I wanted to explore a bit further.  Sometimes only a sentence or two more, sometimes whole paragraphs.  Read ’em or not: your call.
  • There’s not a comment on every episode.  Especially in the early episodes: sometimes there’s just nothing that jumped out at me that hour.
  • I am watching the “Inside the Episode” shorts after the shows, for every show.  Occasionally that will inform my commentary (but usually not).
  • Once I’m done with the rewatch, I may keep some commentary on the final season.  Or I may not; no promises.

Season 4

  • Episode 1: Arya kill #3, and #4.  (And, with that, the return of Needle!)
  • Episode 2: This “Lord of Light” is a pretty sadistic god ... and, in this world, that’s really saying something.
    • “War is war, but killing a man at a wedding ... horrid.  What sort of monster would do such a thing?” —Olenna (Oh, the irony ...) [1]
    • Aaaand there goes Joffrey.  I have never been so happy to see a character die. [2]
  • Episode 3: And, just like that, Tywin deftly (and literally) takes Tommen away from Cersei.
    • “Your father lacks an appreciation of the finer points of bad behavior.” —Davos (What an apt description of Stannis this is ...)
  • Episode 4: Oh, yeah ... Jamie gives Brienne his sword.  She can use that Valyrian steel where she’s going to end up.
  • Episode 5: Littlefinger, you dog! [3]
    • Aaaand there goes Locke.  Once again, no great loss.
  • Episode 6: Why do I feel like Tywin set up this entire faux trial just so he could manipulate Jaime into doing what he wanted?
  • Episode 7: “Nothing isn’t better or worse than anything.  Nothing is just nothing.” —Arya
    • Arya kill #5.
    • Aaaand there goes Lyssa.
  • Episode 8: Damn ... I think Grey Worm just told Missandei that it was worth being castrated in order to meet her.  Kinda romantic, in a weird way.
    • Sansa continues to make horrible decisions.
    • Dany, on the other hand, doesn’t make very many bad decisions.  But I think this is one. [4]
    • The look on the Hound’s face, and Arya cackling like a madwoman ... another of my favorite moments.
    • “Today is not the day I die.” —Oberyn
      • Aaaand there goes Oberyn.
  • Episode 9: I do believe Sam Tarly is the only person in this whole stupid show to promise someone he won’t die and then keep that promise.
    • Aaaand there goes Pyp.  And Grenn.  And Ygritte, with one final “you know nothing, Jon Snow ...”
    • “You’re right.  It’s a bad plan.  What’s your plan?” —Jon
  • Episode 10: Aaaand there goes Jojen.
    • The Hound vs Brienne: one of the best swordfights in the whole show.
    • Aaaand there goes Shae.  I’ve decided I completely don’t understand her motivations.  At all. [5]
    • Aaaand there goes Tywin.  Never been more happy to see someone die since Joffrey.

Season 5

  • Episode 1: This whole thing with putting rocks on corpses’ eyes with eyeballs drawn on them is so disturbing.
    • “Who said anything about ‘him’?” —Varys
    • Aaaand there goes the King Beyond the Wall.
  • Episode 2: Sansa makes a terrible choice yet again.  Good thing this is only like the fifth time, otherwise I’d worry there was some sort of pattern here. [6]
    • I think Shireen is going to teach everyone in Westeros to read.
  • Episode 3: This scene between Margaery and Cersei feels like watching someone poke a grizzly bear ...
    • Aaaand there goes “I commanded the City Watch in King’s Landing!” Enh, I was getting tired of listening to him whinge on about it anyway.
    • Making a deal with a crazy religious fanatic is not quite making a deal with the devil, but I still feel like this is a rare misstep for Cersei.
    • “I’ll never hurt her.  You have my word.” —Ramsay (Hah!)
  • Episode 4: And this scene feels like Cersei is setting loose a maneating tiger and hoping that only the people she doesn’t like will get eaten.
    • Ohhh ... hello!  One last “you know nothing, Jon Snow” ... from Melisandre! [7]
    • This exchange between Stannis and Shireen is heart-wrenching when viewed with the foreknowledge of the betrayal to come.
    • Aaaand there goes Ser Barristan.
  • Episode 5: Yet another “I promise” that will never happen ... [8]
    • Most ... shocking ... marriage proposal ... ever.
  • Episode 6: Arya kill #6 (sort of).
    • “We both peddle fantasies, Brother Lancel.  Mine just happen to be entertaining.” —Littlefinger
    • Tommen, you idiot!  That’s twice now you should have just had your big, strong knights slice up these angry little sparrows.  You’ve got a date with a window and you’re just rushing headlong towards it ...
  • Episode 7: Aaaand there goes Maester Aemon.
    • Not entirely sure why the Sand Snake decides to save Bronn, but I’m glad she does.
    • Tyrion finally hooks up with Dany ... this is the first moment through the entire series where I felt like we might be heading towards a conclusion of some sort.
    • Cersei is often despicable, but this is probably the first moment when I felt she was being idiotic. [10]
  • Episode 8: “I’m not going to stop the wheel.  I’m going to break the wheel.” —Daenerys
    • Somehow I feel like Sam’s words to Olly are not being interpreted in the way he’d hoped ...
    • “I"m right behind you, I promise.” Yep, never heard that one before ...
    • Aaaand there goes the first White Walker to die from Valyrian steel in a thousand years.  But definitely not the last.
    • Aaaand there goes about half the remaining Free Folk in the world.
  • Episode 9: Aaaand there goes Shireen.  In a parade of tragic, senseless deaths, I think this may be the most tragic and senseless one of all.
    • Aaaand there goes what’s-his-name that Dany made marry her.  No great loss. [11]
    • Do.  Not.  Fuck.  With Drogon. [12]
  • Episode 10: Aaaand there goes Shireen’s mother.  Good riddance. [13]
    • You know, for all Melisandre’s later complaining about being wrong, she’s not wrong about the Boltons being defeated ... she’s just wrong that it’s going to be Stannis doing it. [14]
    • It’s just occurred to me that this is the second time Stannis disappointed Sansa.  Without ever meeting her.
    • Aaaand there goes Stannis.  Not particularly happy to see him gone ... but not really sad about it either.
    • Aaaand there goes Ramsay’s psycho girlfriend.  Extra no great loss there.
    • I STILL SAY YOU CANNOT JUMP OFF A 50-FOOT CASTLE WALL AND LIVE!!!  And I don’t care how deep the snow supposedly was. [15]
    • Aaaand there goes Ser Meryn Trant.  Arya kill #7. [16]
      • Aaaand there goes Arya’s eyesight.
    • Aaaand there goes Myrcella.  Weirdly, not that sad to see her go, but it’s quite sad for Jaime.
    • These crazy sparrows don’t know who they’re messing with ...
    • Aaaand there goes Jon. [17]
    • Vicious body count this episode, if we’re looking at named, human characters.  Six: that’s the most so far for a single episode.


[1] I actually saw her palm the jewel off Sansa’s necklace this time around.  I’d never caught that before.


[2] If you watch the special features after the episode, the show runners seem to believe that, despite how terrible Joffrey and Cersei are, that we’re going to feel sorry for them in this death scene.  One of them says: “They bring out the underlying humanity in these characters, that I think in the hands of lesser actors could so easily turn into just evil stereotypes, and could make Joffrey’s death a purely triumphal moment for the audience, and I really don’t think it is ...” Well, bad news guys: you have woefully underestimated how much these actors have made us positively hate their characters.  The first time we watched it in my house, we actually cheered.  Then, when it was properly over, we rewound and watched it again.  It really was one of the top moments I was looking forward to in the rewatch.


[3] This is the moment when we finally realize the depth of Littlefinger’s schemes.  On first watch, this was pretty shocking.  That Lyssa was crazy was obviously never in doubt.  That she was evil was still a bit unexpected.  But it’s her interaction with Sansa that shows just how deep it runs—and also that Lyssa is perfectly capable of being crazy and evil all at once.


[4] When she does make bad decisions, they tend to be rash ones more than anything else.  She’s a very passionate person, and sometimes she doesn’t think things through.  Her decision to crucify a random sampling of the masters of Mereen, for instance: that one is particularly egregious, because Barristan out-and-out tells her she’ll regret it ... and she does, eventually.

This is her next-to-last bad decision.  There’s really only one more to come: the chaining up of the dragons.  That one is more considered, although still the wrong call in the end.  This one, though—sending Jorah away—I feel like is made in the heat of passion, fresh from the raw pain of the betrayal, and perhaps she would have reconsidered it if she’d thought it through.  As we know, she does reconsider her feelings about Jorah eventually.  Maybe there was no way she could have seen the other side of it at this time, no matter how long she took to evaluate it.  But I don’t know—she knows Barristan served her enemies but converted to her cause, and Jorah is really no different.  On top of that, she has to be aware that Barristan has his own agenda here: Barristan is an extremely noble personage (one of the few in this story), but the friction between him and Jorah is never far from the surface, and he knows that he’s never going to get closer to Dany’s good graces with Jorah in the way.  I can’t believe this is not obvious to everyone—neither Barristan nor Jorah is going to any lengths to hide it.  So Dany has got to realize that sending Jorah away is playing directly into Barristan’s strategy.  Or at least she would, if she could take a moment to analyze the situation thoroughly.

On the other hand, Jorah did endanger her baby, which Barristan never did.  So I suppose it’s understandable.  Still, not one of my favorite Dany moments.


[5] The character of Shae is perhaps one of the biggest disappointments of the entire show.  Her character in the books is a bit of a simpleton: one of the few women in the story who is weak and more-or-less useless.  Her character in the show is much smarter, and more mysterious, and comes with hints of an intriguing backstory ... which we never learn.  At first she seems honestly devoted to Tyrion, and I understand if she’s wounded by his attempts to drive her away.  But she seems like she sees through this (as do we all: it’s not like he’s particularly subtle about it).  So can she really be upset enough to want to see him dead?  She shows up at Tyrion’s trial and not only testifies against him, but puts the nail in his coffin with out-and-out lies, knowing that this is going to sentence him to death.  So, while I understand that she’s pissed off, I can’t understand being pissed off enough to want to kill the guy she was supposedly in love with just days or weeks ago.

Maybe she never actually loved him?  Then I didn’t understand her even as much as I thought I did.  Maybe there’s something in her personality that would make sense of her going into a murderous rage after being rejected.  If so, that wasn’t communicated in her story as presented to us.  And why then cozy up to Tywin?  Is she playing him and doing an amazing job?  If so, why do such a shitty job of playing Tyrion when she sees him last?  Don’t forget: Tyrion doesn’t kill her because she slept with his father.  Tyrion kills her because she’s actively trying to kill him at the time.  (And I’m sure having slept with his father doesn’t help.)  If she was a master manipulator, she should have tried to manipulate Tyrion in that moment ... maybe it wouldn’t have worked, but I bet that, even then, he still had a huge soft spot for her.  In many ways, she was his greatest weakness.  But the point is, she should have tried.  Instead, she picks up a knife and attacks.  This is silly.  And even worse for being perhaps the only stupid move she makes in the entire storyline.

So, overall, I can’t fathom Shae.  I don’t know who she really is, I don’t know who the showrunners want me to think she is, and I can’t make any logical sense of her actions, even if I assume she’s not a logical person.


[6] Think I’m exaggerating?  Fine: she chooses Joffrey over Arya, Stannis over the Hound, Loras over Dontos, Littlefinger over Royce, and Littlefinger again over Brienne.  Now, obviously not all of those would have worked out for her: the Hound may not have been any more successful getting Sansa to a living Stark than he was with Arya, and Dontos was just delivering her to Littlefinger anyway.  And Stannis and Loras were more hopeful dreams than actual offers, but that’s what made them bad choices: choosing an actual Stannis in the castle over running off with the Hound in the middle of the night would be a no-brainer.  But she threw away a real, present chance to escape the nightmare she was trapped in on the hope that Stannis might win the battle.  Really, the only one of these choices I don’t fault her for was the pipe dream of marrying Loras: giving that up to sail off with Littlefinger (whether or not facilitated by Dontos, who she already knew was a drunkard) wasn’t a great option, granted.  But it’s still a remarkable string of bad choices, and I don’t think I even remembered them all.


[7] I’d forgotten that line as well.


[8] In this case, it’s Shireen’s promise to Davos about the upcoming battle, which she will never live to see.


[9] In the behind-the-scenes short, the showrunners postulate that this is the first time in the entire show’s run—comprising dozens, if not hundreds, of deaths—where we see someone die of old age.


[10] It apparently wasn’t enough to set the maneating tiger loose; now she’s tracked it back to its lair and is trying to pet it for eating all the people she didn’t like.  And then seems surprised when it bites her arm off.


[11] I completely didn’t understand this death.  The Sons of the Harpy are supposedly representatives of the Great Masters, who are obviously resentful of Dany, who freed all their slaves.  But, in this scene, the Sons of the Harpy are killing more of the rich people than the former slaves.  That seems rather counterproductive.  As for Hizdahr (a.k.a. “what’s-his-name”), he enters the scene with apologies for being late, saying he was just taking care of some last minute preparations, which is as obvious a clue that he was in on the whole attack as it could possibly be.  Yet he too is killed by the bad guys.  Now, you might say that this was just a red herring planted by the writers to throw us off, except that that doesn’t make any sense.  On first viewing, we have no clue that an attack is coming: it’s a huge shock when it breaks out.  So there’s nothing to throw us off from.  On repeat viewing, on the other hand, we already know that Hizdahr gets killed during this scene, strongly implying that Daario is wrong in his insistence about Hizdahr being aligned with the Sons of the Harpy, so what’s the point in trying to mislead us?  No, the whole “red herring” theory doesn’t make any sense.  And yet Chekhov’s gun implies that there must be some point to the line.  So I don’t understand which side Hizdahr is on, I don’t understand which side the Sons of the Harpy are on (other than that they’re certainly not on Dany’s side), and I’m still entirely sure whether I’m supposed to be sad that what’s-his-name is dead now.

So, as I said: no great loss.


[12] This is Dany’s second great “fuck yeah!” moment.  I dunno; there’s just something vicariously awesome about watching a big dragon show up and turn your enemies into crispy critters.


[13] Don’t forget: this is the woman who had to work up to burning her daughter alive by burning several other members of her family alive, including her brother(S4E2).  And she was a shitty mother, even before taking this rather drastic turn for the shittier.  So I shan’t be shedding any tears.


[14] Honestly, I think she broke him.  I think maybe there was some chance he might have been the chosen one, before she talked him into killing his own daughter.  Not that that would have been a particularly happy outcome.  So I suppose it’s all for the best.


[15] How deep could it have been anyway?  There was a weird thaw going on: it’s a major plot point of the episode.


[16] This is undoubtedly the best Arya kill ever.  Not the most satisfying, to be sure (that’s still to come), but bloody and drawn out and reduces a total dick to whimpering jelly ... just great.


[17] I’m a bit surprised Jon falls for this bit of trickery.  It seems over-obvious, especially in retrospect.  Olly was very clearly not on board with this whole wildling thing, and he was just a bit too enthusiastic in delivering that news about Benjen.

I do like the callback to Julius Caesar here though.  Everyone has to stab him once so that the killing blow can’t be ascribed to any one person.


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